Reliyehu

- Champagne & Rahul -

2005-12-28T21:40:00.000+08:00

On the eve of X'mas eve(23 Dec),there was a champagne(Louis de Sacy) appreciation tasting at 101.Rahul was there,he was the organiser.I couldnt recall when was the last time I saw him....it was definitely nice to see him again,only this time things between us feels a little bit different.He found someone....it's been a week now.It's tough to ignore him when he's constantly within my sight really.How dreadful.I wish it was me....regretting now that I didnt take the chance with him.But then again,I was just trying to protect myself.....he's known to be a PLAYER,although in person you really cant deny that he's a nice guy.Really.He sent me back that night which surprised me a bit but thanks Rahul,save my cab money for the day. :) Thinking back,I wonder whether he suddenly changed for the better because of what I've talked to him about when he's subconcious or is it really because of HER?It's simply unbelievable.Either way.......I still think what I said did have an effect too.That even though you've got hurt badly by someone before,there would be someone who would care and love you even more.You just have to give yourself a chance and that other person.I'm a romantic.......so that's why I think that way but when I'm heartbroken,I wouldnt think that positively though.I hope for someone who would catch me when I fall.Who doesnt????Uggh!Whatever.:( I browsed through my previous blog postings and realised that I didnt mention anything about who Rahul was except for the first time I met him more than a month ago isnt it?Most of you must be LOST.Ooooh sorry. :P

When I first drank Dom Perignon 1996 which cost about RM800 per bottle......I was in Cloud 9,I thought it was the greatest thing I've ever drank.Then the rest came.Moet & Chandon,Bollinger,Drappier,Prosecco........and the latest edition is Louis de Sacy.Louis de Sacy Grand Cru & Louis de Sacy Rose which cost about RM400 per bottle and the most fantastic of all,Louis de Sacy Tentation 1986 which cost RM2000 per bottle!It was simply FANTASTIC.Unbelievable.......what else can I say???It's really different.....spectacular.And the best part?The remaining 24 bottles in the world is in my outlet,101.I think we've already found buyers.I feel honoured to be able to taste a little bit of the fine champagne. :P Next on my list: Veuve Cliquot or Krug???Hmmmmm...... :) *HIC*

- Christmas This Year -

2005-12-28T21:30:00.000+08:00

I wouldnt say that it's a great or happy one and I wouldnt say that I DID celebrate it either.Everything just passed by without any memories to cherish.It was pretty much expected that Bukit Bintang(the heart of KL where I work) would be packed with people.The modernise graphic X'mas tree & other decorations at my outlet was up about 3 or 4 days before X'mas.The renovation at the Ground Floor has just been completed,it looks very posh.......brightens up the whole place better. :) I wasnt that convinced at first.Now I think it looks COOL.There was reservations for 11 pax and another 6 pax respectively for X'mas eve.I wasnt in the mood at all at first,we didnt even organise a gift exchange thingy.How sad.I have been doing that for the past 3 years and for that amount of years,I've missed out on the X'mas dinner at my cousin's widow place.Ugggh!SAD.Miss the ham,miss the turkey/lamb if there is and obviously miss the wines & sherry!!!She didnt organise one this year.....just got re-married and spending time with her husband.She has been a widow for many years.....my cousin passed away even before I was born,we should feel happy for her to be able to find happiness again.

When I saw Vicky(my colleague) donning the santa hat with two cute white heart shapes on top & listening to the Christmas songs......I feel a bit merry.There was a bit of mood..... :) I went looking for the hat and lucky me,someone gave it to me. There wasnt much people dining as in walk-in guest except for the reservations,it was quite boring but I was helping the chef in the kitchen so I had some things to do and knowledge to learn too. :P The guests left quite early but I just couldnt recall the time now.I didnt even join the X'mas countdown....we just greeted whoever we met in the outlet.Siva gave us each a brooach which is really nice,my manager gave us each a bottle of Belvedere Vodka.That was all.Rahul was supposed to drop by(his gf is in S'pore) so I felt a bit happy at first but later he said he couldnt make it because he left his place late and was stuck in the jam so he headed straight to Havana Club.Silly Rahul!!I wanted very badly to get drunk...it helps in drowning sorrows isnt it?But all I had was a double shot Hennessy Cognac(i dont drink cognac actually but that was the only alcohol available.....i dont drink beer except Stella,if I can & there's only Carlsberg club.no thanks).We ate lobsters,scallops,.....whatever that's left.Vicky wanted to go to Atmosphere and I was supposed to tag along but by the time we finished setting up,no one was in the mood to celebrate or go anywhere.Rahul invited Mohan(my other colleague) to join him,I thought he wouldnt go because of the tiredness.Called Rahul before I left for home,.......I thought he would be on his way home too but he was still there & didnt get to chat for long because his cellphone battery was running low.

That was basically it.I went back to Melaka the next day (on X'mas day).I just stayed at home.My sis was supposed to be back too and I've already planned for a christmas dinner but she cancelled herplans to come back so it was just mum,dad,bro,his gf and me.I cooked roast chicken with potatoes but the chicken took ages get cooked and I got VERY MAD along the way because it didnt turn out as I wanted it to be although it's still delicious in the end! :P There was just no one to go out with....I just needed to rest,lots of it so I just stayed at home the two days that I was back and I went to the lawyer on Tuesday to sign lots of documents.What a Christmas. :(

Moving onto the bar of 101 east........

2005-12-09T13:30:00.000+08:00

I've been the barback for about 4 to 5 days now and am enjoying every bit of it.It's been more than 6 months since I was last mixing cocktails and stuffs.I had the chance to do some cocktails the other day......so far my Mojito is rated as PERFECT by my manager,the bartender before this and the customer too.COOL.We're rotating the job area so finally after a long long time of waiting,I'm at the bar.What a dream place.The kitchen area too.

Have stopped going drinking........always heading back home straight after work.I'm on the split shift the whole of this week which is 10am - 2.30pm to 6.30pm - 10.30pm so it's really TAXING!I hate morning shifts....I'm not the morning kind of person you know?Ugggh...... :( Will be on the 4pm - 12am shift next week so that's cool.HEHE.

I forgot to say.....mum,dad,sis and my cousin came by my outlet for dinner last Saturday and it was just so awesome.I was so excited.I finally had the chance to show my parents the place I work and what it's all about.They're pretty cool about things nowadays compared to when I was still in highschool or even college so we can connect better.

My senior brand manager came by this morning and he commented on the way the bar looks.He thinks it's messy but one thing people have to understand is that the bar area is very restricted.Contrained place.Uggh!I have to find a solution soon.I need the designers from IKEA to give me some ideas I guess?I think they're very good at using space to the fullest.Very cool "save space" concept the use for their furniture designs.Oh well. :(

Oh yes.....I forgot to say.Chris called my home 2 days ago and my housemate was not at home then so I got to chat with him for a bit so that's cool.We're just busy with each other's stuff so we're not that connected these days.It must be very cold in HK now,I miss all that.DAMN. :(

2005-11-30T17:00:00.000+08:00

I takes me ages to finish the blog on my S'pore trip.I have been busy with events at my outlet,partying and just trying to do what is right and to get a chance to rest.I'm not 100% cured yet......I dont know whether it's because of the alcohols or because I just didnt go to the doctor from day 1.I've been going out for the last 2 weeks,went to Mood Swings(a salsa place)....I'm always amazed when I see people do the salsa,I wish I can be like them one day.My colleague(Mohan) had his b'day pre-party at our outlet the other day......I organised the food,just glad that it was just nice although I wouldnt say it's very delicious....it would have been better if there's a proper kitchen. :) Just too bad I guess.I was the cashier on that day so it was pretty screwed up when a last minute customer came and opened a bottle.By the time I joined everyone,it was just so short. To make things worse,Rahul came early.All the time was wasted. :( We went to Thai club after that,not that interesting but we had a private place upstairs so it's a perfect view to see people dancing below.........not great dancers I would say.I started imitating the way those people danced,it was pretty hilarious.I got to know two new gal friends,one is a pole dancer!How cool.All of us(4 gals) later took on the stage,the podium.....it was so fun.Rahul just wasnt in the mood,it was sad.I didnt even get closed to being HIGH or tipsy.Good Becky. :P

- Back from S'pore -

2005-11-15T21:00:00.000+08:00

Dear mates,

I was actually back from S'pore at 1am on Mon morning.Have lots to write about my S'pore trip and am sick now.Dry sore throat and fever.......so I need to get well soon.Hang on there mates.Thanks.

- Off to SINGAPORE -

2005-11-09T10:50:00.000+08:00

Dear friends,

Havent had much things to write for the past few days.Life has been on a slow lane.Going to S'pore tonight,.....will be back on Sunday and definitely will have lots to write about! :P Chris is taking care of my accommodation but up till now,I have yet to get a confirmation and the info on which hotel it is.Oh boy,......am I in trouble?I think Flora forgot to send me an email or call me.She called the other day to get my name as in the passport.Let's hope it's settled.I just need to get to S'pore first.They should be in S'pore by today.Hear from me soon.Cheers to all. :)

Here I Am.

2005-11-04T16:30:00.000+08:00

This week is a pretty crazy week.......work in Mon,public holiday on Tue,work on Wed,public holiday on Thurs....here I am,working on Fri(it's a public holiday for other people),working tomorrow and then it's off day on Sun!What a weird week. :P Tuesday was Deepavali(a celebration for Indians),yesterday and today is the New Year's day of the Muslims.They celebrate for a month actually. :) Managed to go to a friend's house to eat on Deepavali(dried mutton and chicken curry with rice, vegetable and cookies) and yesterday I went to two houses,one an Indian(Mohan) friend's house(dried chicken curry,porkchop,tuna cutlet with rice and white wine) and the other a Malay friend's house(beef rendang,chicken rendang,rice in blocks - how to you explain "nasi impit" in English?,curry mee and cookies).AWESOME!!!! :P But I didnt over eat really.

And there's a new friend which I was introduced to.His name is Rahul. :) Nice guy.A so-called Northern Indian who is fair, doesnt know how to eat with his fingers(traditional way for the Indian and Malays),cant stand eating too spicy food and is a supplier for wines but loves to drink beer - Guinness Stout to be exact! :P Haha.....what a joker. :)

Called Chris's mum in the afternoon......she now knows that I'm able to go to S'pore so we're all excited about it. :) Had to reach her before she leaves HK,either today or tomorrow.They board planes like a bus so there's no fix plan.Last minute booking.Chatted with Chris at night,he's taking care of my hotel expenses so my problem is solved.I just need to get there. :P That is all now,......feeling sleepy.KL is like a sleepy hollow today,there's hardly any cars or anyone.I was late to work,.....or rather I reach on the dot.We're required to reach half an hour before duty actually.There was just no taxi around,I was just lucky enough to bum into the bus and took the lrt and monorail.......in the end,it's worse than just taking the taxi but I had no choice.

A caucasian guy came in to check out our outlet and I was pretty surprised.Our first potential customer for the day.He decided to stay on and have his lunch with two bottles of Hoegaarden.......a nice guy.His name is Gordon.Another new person I met. :) Then there's a couple who's still in the bar right now.At least there's some business today. :)

- What is Love -

2005-10-29T22:30:00.000+08:00

this question will always haunt anyone.......it's really TRUE,i mean if you were to tell me that you never wondered "what is love"....I think you're only kidding yourself! :P it will definitely give you a slap on the face....everyone's face to be exact.a friend answered this question the other day.what is love? : love last when the lust last got it?i think......anyone who has been there would agree on this one.

i came upon a posting in the bulletin board and here are a few of the many quotes which i find so true.....it's like "been there,done that" or rather in my case i would say "been there,SAID that". :P here it goes................

1)When you love someone,don't expect that person to love you back the same amount.
One of you will be ahead, the other behind.It's either you catch up or the other
waits - it applys to all girls

2)Never be afraid to fall in love !It may hurt a lot,it may give you aches and
pains,but if you don't follow your heart,in the end you will cry even more for not
giving love a chance. - i always live with this line,....that's why I've
fallen so many times.i dont think i'm silly,......i'm just giving myself a
chance

3)I'm sorry if you can't love me the way you loved the one before me,so i'll let you
go to find him/her and hope someday you'll see that the one true love you're
looking for was the one who set you free.We're always trying to catch the
attention of the one we think we love,we hardly notice the one we're really
looking for was just there. -the first line applys to john,the second line
applys to anybody

4)Love is like standing on wet cement,the longer you stay the harder it is to
leave...and you can never go without leaving your prints behind. - i just
said it to john the other day!isnt it john?

5)True love hears what is not spoken,and understands what is not explained,for love
doesn't work in the mouth,nor the mind,but in the heart.

6)I like you because you're my friend,and because you are my friend i care,and
because i care, i love you.I don't love you because you are my friend,i love you
because i do! - this applys to john(present) and it applys to tim(past)
too

7)it's better to lose your pride with someone you love rather than lose that someone
you love with your useless pride. - this applys to all synical people on
this planet.....you know who you are!

8)It's hard for two people to love each other when they live in two different
worlds...but when these two worlds collide and become one,that's what you call....
magic! -to those who always wondered how I can fall in love with Chris
for "that"(3 yrs) long....this is one answer that is possible

I wish I can say this....but if I do,it's just a CONTRADICTION.Isnt it? "I can't choose who i'm gonna love,but i also can't just love who chooses to love me... and you can't blame me in choosing to love you as much as i can't blame you for not learning to love me.

TO ALL GIRLS,LISTEN UP!!!! The most cruel thing a guy could do to a girl is to let her fall in love when he doesn't intend to catch her fall...!!! *Damn bloody true*

- My Yesterday -

2005-10-29T19:09:00.000+08:00

I think I wrote a pretty long blog yesterday. :) This was meant to be written yesterday as well but time didnt permit.I'm feeling well again now........2 days ago,I was really SICK!It's really obvious when becky is sick.......the bubbly girl would suddenly turn so quiet like a mouse,her smile would be gone and she would stand at one corner to stay away from the air-cond and be a hermit so other people wont be affected,she would babble when she speak and her eyes would be like snoopy eyes because all she thinks of is to SLEEP and still,she refuses to go to the doctor because it's just a waste of money....she's immune to all the medications.She would also feel like a cat,would love to be pampered but unfortunately this time around,....there just isnt anyone around the corner.I managed to go back early,.......my remedy this time: 3 tablets of Clarinase in a day,Panadol acti-fast from HK and Robitussin honey lemon cough drops,downed everything and wore a sweater to sleep and hibernate.I changed shift with Vicky and only came in to work in the afternoon the next day so I had the whole morning to continue sleeping.That was how I got cured this time.THANKFULLY TO GOD!

I really forgot what I did yesterday.....I think I did email Chris in HK to inform him that I wont be able to go to S'pore for the conference.CONFIRMED. :( Becky feels so sad......no going to Outback S'pore for Cinnamon Oblivion(vanilla ice cream with cinnamon apples and pecans),no clubbing in S'pore with my japanese designer friends,Chris and family,wont be meeting my other HK friends,no going to Takashimaya for japanese ramen and most of all,I cant experience the feeling of being in the conference and it would be the first time I'm missing the IdN conference since 2002!Oh no.... :(

I called Chris in HK,managed to talk to him for a bit and Fatima(his mum) so happen is in HK too.I miss her heaps!We chatted away,....a lot to talk about and she's really happy to know that I'm doing very well......working for a prominent company.Didnt expect Chris to tell her. :P Hehe.We miss each other a lot but right now....it's really impossible to meet up.Chris wouldnt allow that and so does she.They really want me to concentrate on building my career right now.They wont go away.......they're all based in HK currently,Jonathan is helping out in IdN too....Laurence is currently in S'pore for a short trip and they would only go back to Sydney for a short holiday.So I guess I might change my TAIPEI trip next year to be a HK trip????Gosh.... :P Or maybe I'll just do a few hours of stopover in HK,go on board Cathay Pacific to Taipei.....they would stop in HK first...either I take the last flight from HK to Taipei or take the last flight from HK to M'sia after going to Taipei.....I think that would be a better choice.Maybe might crash at Chris's place for a few days since the whole family is in HK.Mum(Chris's mum) would allow I guess. :P

I really feel so much better after talking to Fatima.She's such a remarkable lady.It's really cool when she's around........we can talk about anything under the sun,from Chris to going clubbing together.Haha.....that's how cool she is REALLY!I miss all that.

my birthday story

2005-10-28T22:10:00.000+08:00

coming tomorrow,.....we can say my birthday was LAST SAT!wow.....time really flies,and I only had the time to write about it today. :( well,of course there were quite a few sms......from friends and family.wouldnt quote who and who(too long to list) but there were some whom I dont know who it was,the number doesnt exist in my address book.it was nice of them to remember. :) thank you heaps to all.there's actually more sms-es this year,less calls.chris forgot to call,which was understandabe....he has the upcoming conference to think about,tim kind of remembered but because it was impossible to call me from bali....i just didnt look forward to his call,at least he wished me a belated one on tuesday,when he got back.prana forgot too,but it was ok.i couldnt get through his cellphone anyway,something wrong with the line in jakarta again.joe remembered,he was actually one of the first to call me on Sat morning from Bangkok. :) Amanda called me really late but I'm glad she remembered somehow. worst of all,it was john..... no calls or sms to say the least and when we met on mon/tue,he didnt wish me a belated one either.oooh......whatever.come what may.it's just too bad,of all the people.......he didnt remember,to think that i discussed of celebrating it with him 2 weeks before! :( he's now in Laos.....i hope he remembers about the avian flu and not eat CHICKEN!eeeks....

my colleagues bought me a cheesecake on the eve of my birthday.it was the exact brand of cheesecake i celebrated my birthday with last year. :P miki oji san.....a japanese bakery.it was actually Siva who bought it.....then i ate green tea creme brulee,drank baby champagne and went home.had to get up very early the next day to catch a bus back to melaka.funny thing is,i got up to the loud music which stephen played on his computer,he didnt know that i was at home and when i got out of the room with my backpack and all,he just freaked out!it was funny seeing his reaction. :P thanks to him,.....i managed to get the 9am bus back and by 11am,i was already back home sweet home.

went to visit my aunt and she gave me an "angpao"(a red packet with a small token).....my cousin gave me too,my uncle, another cousin and my bro's gf gave me too.hehe..... :P but my parents forgot. :( mum cooked me the longevity noodles and lots of food which i wanted to eat,steam fish with pork lad,onions,dried chilli and ginger in soy sauce,fried prawns in tangerine sauce,pork cooked in Hakka style...with dried chillis,ginger,garlic and dried squid,chicken cooked in the straits born style which we call "gerang asam",a chilli dish which is a bit thicker than curry and it's a bit sour....it's hard to explain(alan and riki) but I'm sure you guys would love it since you love curry(alan) and you kind of like spicy food too(riki)...
:P and last but not least,......chicken soup with button mushroom.WOW!!!!What a feast aint it?? :P

of course I drank some Bailey's with ice after dinner and was out of the house by 10pm.Tom brought me for some drinks (beer and cocktail) at Ringo's.....it was meant to be a pre-celebration thingy but it ended that we drank till it was 1.30am and it was time to send me home(pls note that when I'm back in Melaka,.....there's no such thing as going back at 5am or I'll get killed!).POOR BECKY.He really bought me a bottle Chivas but I didnt get to be drunk with it.What a waste.We went to Friends cafe before Ringo's because it was the only place in Melaka which I know,carries Stella Artois but heck,they werent selling it on that day.What a bummer! :( Ugggghhhhhh.

the next day,i still didnt feel happy.dont get me wrong......i really appreciate what all of them did to make my birthday a nice one but deep down,i somehow didnt feel happy.i dont know whether it's because john didnt even bother to call,or is it because my parents forgot to give me the angpao or is it because i still didnt get to buy the present(a watch) which I so badly wanted on my birthday this year. :( each one of the above has an effect but it's all over now.up till today,i still havent bought the watch,there were only 2 presents which i received this year....which was from Kit(HK) and Amanda.thank you both.of course,every year for the past two years....there's always two birthday cards waiting for me at my melaka home.one from alan in LEEDS and one from Riki in SYDNEY.soon,it would be one from TOKYO instead of SYDNEY eh Riki? :P and here I am,still babbling about it after a week! :( mum cooked me porridge with oysters which i craved so badly,and my friend brought me for a session of grilled fish!hehe.oh yes,and i bought myself and very "daring" top which i really look forward to wear.hehe. :P

the only good thing is,......i didnt feel as sad as i used to before......i do feel that my birthday can be something that i can look forward to in the coming years,without recalling the death of my cousin 3 yrs ago.unfortunately,my birthday celebration just didnt turn out as i wanted to be but what i do know that there're friends who would try to make me happy on that special day.

- the rabbit is SICK..... :( -

2005-10-27T11:38:00.000+08:00

sorry sorry.......still no updates yet,i just didnt have the time but to top it up.....I've fallen SICK! :( Hate to be sick hate to be sick.I'm sounding like a kid now isnt it?I tend to be like a cat when I'm sick,.......lazy,curly wurly,no mood to do anything and it would be nice to have someone cooking me porridge or some light food. :( It's not going to happen unfortunately.....Tim is up in the hills,....he's turned into a lobster after coming back from Bali and JK is in Laos now!

let's just hope I still am able to recall my birthday when i have the time to write....ciao now.

......hang on there mates.....

2005-10-24T21:30:00.000+08:00

dearest friends,

have been lazy with blogging for the past few days......i just got back from melaka this morning.still feeling tired because i didnt get proper sleep during the weekend which is so hectic with meeting people.mostly family.will try to update my blog within the next few days so hang on there mates.cheers!

What an Idiot...........Ugggh!

2005-10-18T16:00:00.000+08:00

I was supposed to buy for my manager a packet of chinese mix rice,I did.I bought white rice with cili fried long beans,chicken with oyster sauce and a piece of fried omelette.It cost me RM4.50.Then I took a cab to work as usual.....everything was in my hands,the rice,the shirt I want to change at SEED and of course,my bag.When I reached the destination,paid the cab and I got off.Went to buy a piece of lottery ticket for my dad.....suddenly I felt something is missing.OH NO.......I left the rice in the cab!Such a "plonka"! :( Wasted my money,......wasted my time and most of all,what a disappointment.Uggggh!!What a way to start the day.I felt so bad.....apologised to my manager and offered to buy him chicken rice instead.

Then as I was on the way to buy the chicken rice,......I saw a Snips salon banner offering RM118 for rebonding & RM40 onwards for a senior stylist haircut.How much did I spend for my rebonding,haircut and treatment?RM333!Clever Becky. :( Let's hope it lasts for at least 3 months?But I bet the chemical they used is a much better one so I dont have to be so upset after all.

Spoke to Tim yesterday,....he wanted to cancel the Bali trip but the agent says NO REFUND.What a bummer.Or else he might be able to celebrate my birthday after all but nevermind.At least he tried.I'm worried though,the resort he's staying in Bali is only 500m from the bombing 3 yrs ago and 200m from the recent bombing. :( But he promised to be careful and be back safely for a dinner together.See you soon handsome. :P

Finally managed to speak to John,he got back from Penang at 3.30am this morning.How tiring.It seems that he didnt bring his cellphone when he was in Penang,what a smart move.Was it on purpose?Just trying to be synical. :P Only spoke to him for a while,he's always up to something.Booking a flight for his friend,going for dinner tonight and hashing tomorrow and Thursday and I thought him not hashing tonight was a GOOD NEWS.Yeah right. :( BECKY WONDERS "When will I see you?"

Finally decided,I'm definitely going back to Melaka on my birthday.Dont want to end up with more disappointments.It's not that John is going to celebrate with me anyway.Tim is out of the question,it's impossible for me to fly to Bali.And I've been turned off with celebrating it at all....because there wont be anyone who would even bother that it's my birthday.It's so true!Will just go back,have some of mum's cooking,have lots of booze to drown everything and sleep like a pig!Yeah,that sounds better I guess.

- Untitled -

2005-10-17T20:54:00.000+08:00

I think,it's better to go back to Melaka for my birthday.....to avoid any further disappointments.Spoke to Tim on Saturday,looks like he would cancel his Bali trip but he wont be free on that weekend.People from Europe are coming down and he has to show them around.Ugggh!Or did he get the weekend wrong?It's Sat Oct 22,not Sat Oct 29.Need to double check.At this point,John is no where to be seen or heard so.......what more can I say?NOTHING.Just hope he's safe somewhere and get back from Penang safe and sound. :(

Guess I would have to tell mum that I'm coming home and make orders for all my favourite food!Hahaha........at least that's a little joy to look forward to. :( BIRTHDAY REALLY SUCKS WHEN THERE'S NO ONE AROUND TO CELEBRATE WITH.

Oh yes......and I think I may/may not be able to go to S'pore after all.I hope there wont be any events booked on either 10/11 Nov so at least I can still be in S'pore for a day to meet all my mates although that's a bit ridiculous and very tiring.Well,that's becky for you......always there for people. :(

- Birthday Woes -

2005-10-15T14:00:00.001+08:00

It's amazing........my birthday is exactly a week away from today.How do I feel?NIL.......no feelings.I already got my annual leave approved on that day,would definitely be free but then I suddenly thought "What is the point of celebrating when there's actually no one who said YES Becky,would celebrate it with you". :( I mean,the ones I want to celebrate with.Tim hasnt told me the decision on whether he has cancelled the trip to Bali on my birthday weekend.John.....well,I wish he would say YES......that he wouldnt mind sparing a day with me but he's still thinking about it.I just didnt want someone to say YES...I feel happy about it and look forward to and then they suddenly say "Oh sorry,....something came up at the last minute so I cant make it".That would be so screwed or in harsh words.....it would be so fucked up!ON MY BIRTHDAY!Wow.....god loves me that much really.It's just between Tim and John,who says YES first! :( It's been ages since any of them had a proper dinner with me,I miss that so I thought it would be great to have a dinner on my birthday and celebrating it at the same time.Yeah yeah,....becky and her plans that always get screwed up in the end.

If neither one says YES,I would just pack my bags and go home to Melaka for the weekend and indulge with my mother's delicious home cook food!Yipee!!!!!! :P I miss that really.I miss eating porky......porky....porky.POOR POOR ME. :( Oh yes,and I miss my bottle of Bailey's Irish Cream and Absolut Mandrin Vodka who's definitely crying for my attention.And there's two friends who would celebrate my birthday IF I get back.One would bring me to some club and open a bottle for me(but I would really rather you buy me a present instead Tom) and the other would bring me for a great "ikan bakar"(grilled fish) session which I've been wanting to eat since half a year ago?That would be awesome! :P

Well,along the way....I bought a few things to cheer myself up.Kind of a birthday gift for myself.I bought a white shoe that was on best buy last Monday,.....I bought a Moschino Clean and Chic fragrance last Friday(I've got a free gift - a Moschino bag which is very sporty),I got myself a haircut & rebonding last Saturday and I just bought a rabbit t-shirt and a cardigan which was on sale at SEED just now.Weee,.......so many things to cheer becky up.But I wonder when will I use it really? :( I went to scout for an ideal watch,.....which is supposed to be the present of the year for me.I went to everywhere from Swatch,Guess,Isetan,.....etc but the one that fits my actual budget is a Casio watch which has pink colour light.It's design is almost like a Swatch.I'm thinking about Titus but havent bummed into any watch store in Bkt Bintang so far,which carries that brand.Maybe I should look in Times Square? :( Oh yes,.....tried to be a bit rich and went to see Omega,Tag Heuer and Gucci watches which cost RM4000+ each.How I wish.......!I've always fancied Omega and Tag,preferably Tag because Omega for girls are a bit small in my opinion but you know how they can cost.In my dreams.....but among the three that I saw just now,I would love to have the Gucci watch.WOW! :P

- The days that goes by -

2005-10-15T14:00:00.000+08:00

It's Saturday again today. :( Many people would be delighted.....but here I am thinking,what am I going to do tomorrow?Ugggh!There's an event tonight so would definitely get back home around 2.30am.Tim came back from China yesterday but has yet to confirm about dinner tomorrow.I hope he says YES or else I'll end up being at home the whole day,like last Sunday. How pathetic.I just wish someone would pick me up & cheer me. :( In my dreams I guess.On the other hand,John went to Penang yesterday I THINK.That's what he told me a few days back,but he didnt even call to say goodbye or rather he never called me back since I dont know WHEN.Damn.....it's so frustrating dont you think?I can call someone or sms a million times because all I want to do is say HI or hear the voice behind it,but then.....it's just a waste of time and effort.There wont be any return call,probably an sms reply back if you're lucky and that's it!GUYS WOULD ALWAYS BE GUYS!!!!Whatever that means.

Have been trying to call Prana in Jakarta but with failure.His cellphone must have gone loco again. :( Last Sunday I was just so bored at home but I didnt want to get out and waste money.I couldnt sleep at night(1am) so I decided to call some friends to chat with.Called Prana in Jakarta.....went to voicebox,called Tim in China...went to voicebox,called my friend in Melaka....couldnt get through,called Chris in HK.....he was asleep but picked up the call to chat for a while,called my bestfriend in S'pore.....he was asleep but same as Chris,he picked up the call to chat for a while,impossible to call Alan in UK.....I forgot it was Sunday and thought he would be at work - according to the time difference,couldnt call Riki in Sydney because he's definitely in dreamland at the time I called......Oz is +3hrs,definitely no point in calling John.....we were in a crisis last Sunday and my call would be left unanswered as usual and besides,he was at Patrick's for a dinner.I'm not being paranoid John! :P In the end,tried to call my other friend in Melaka and he so happen was on a night shift so we chatted until my credit went to RM0.25 and I managed to fall asleep in the end.That's good.END OF STORY. :)

I Helped My Angel.......

2005-10-13T13:05:00.000+08:00

Back in my Outback days......there were the 3 of us namely me,Amanda and Eva who were the only chinese servers.We worked very well together and were always cheerful.....smiling.So that was how we got the nickname,the 3 angels(based on Charlie Angels) by my then kitchen manager,who is now the proprieter of S'pore Outback. :)

I never forgot the nick.....I continued to call Eva my angel and she the same. :) I havent seen her for 2 yrs,she went to UK.On the working holidaymaker visa to work and travel too.I was supposed to do that too,to go to London last year but the plan got cancelled due to some financial matters and the lineup to get the visa was just too long.

My angel came back somewhere in June,she gave me a call but I was on my recovering period then - the fracture.I only managed to be in touch with her recently.All the time,I wanted to get her a job at my current working place.I felt that it was a good opportunity and that it would do her some good as well. :) To cut the story short,she came for an interview a few days back and has said YES so I'm really looking forward to that.

When I was struggling to get a job.....it was really depressing and I always wished someone(a friend) would help me out.It really sucks when you go to so many interviews but didnt get through any.Worse still,it's not because you're DUMB.I'm just so glad I managed to help somoeone out, and she so happen is MY ANGEL. :) There you go......another happy face for a day.

- FOR: JGK -

2005-10-09T20:05:00.000+08:00

I'm sorry if I put pressure on you(make you feel pressured).....maybe I did but I just didnt realise it.But then again,what was the pressure all about?

It is not as complicated as you think it is,....I guess it's probably because you're so used to being single again,living your life the way you want,with not much worries that you find it difficult to cope when SOMEONE IS REALLY THERE FOR YOU.Is it really so difficult to believe that there is such a person?Be it a friend or more than just a friend.I'm not robbing you off your freedom.Did I?I think you're probably just as confused as I am. :P

I only wished that for the short time,you really did feel happy to have me as company.I DID.I think,....you got me through my recovery period(my fracture).I can now walk and run.Thanks to you,for your words of encouragement and advice.You were really my Irish Leprichaun.

I wonder,when I cried the other day....were you really listening to what I said?I WISH but I dont think so.I think,you just shut your thoughts.Maybe it's best not to celebrate my birthday after all isnt it?It's never a happy thing....never will be. That's just too bad.

You still have my number.....when you're all settled again,give me a ring.You still owe me a dinner,remember?I shouldnt say owe....rather it is just the dinner we never had the time to have.You went to MIRI,...when you got back you had so many things going on until now.

JGK,you should know damn well that I'm a frank person.You should have talked it over with me.What took you so long to realise that?Did you realise that it's been 2 months since it all began?Time really flies.GOSH.See you when I see you,hear from you when I hear from you.No matter how long it takes.I'm always here. :)

Please remember to get some groceries : fizzy drinks,instant noodle(soup and dried),some Campbell's Prego spagetti sauce for your linguini,cheese,toilet paper,and shampoo too.And dont forget to return the pink blouse to Amelia.Get well soon,dont be too stubborn and dont be a hero.CHEERS!

Remember the good,forgive and forget the bad.Friends we shall always be.........through good and bad times.I'm sorry if I caused you any emotional stress.I really am.

P/S: I've only realised that it's 8pm now and I've only had chocolate and ice cream to eat the whole day.You're definitely enjoying dinner with Patrick and family.

RLYH

Weekend again....?

2005-10-08T15:30:00.000+08:00

Gosh.....it's the weekend again.Time really flies. :( I dont know what am I going to do tomorrow.Will work till late tonight,as usual.If JK is having dinner with me tomorrow night,then I have something to look forward to.Otherwise I might get my hair cut and straightened again?Or should I just stay home and really rest well?Ugggh......I dont know.I dont like to be home these days.....my room is in a pathetic state,I dont look forward to it at all but I'm just too lazy and dont even want to start doing anything about it!My time is just too limited......I only have Sundays to rest or chill out and if I use it to clear my room,it will never finish and there goes my off day.POOR ME. :(

Now I'm beginning to rethink of whether or not I should go to S'pore in Nov for the conference and to meet up with Chris and my HK mates.For one.......the currency is killing,two......I would have to take leave from work(3 days) and three.....it is tiring at the end of the trip and it's always dreadful to know that you have to get back to routine the next day.Ugggh!But then again,I need a break......I need a short holiday,I need to get out of M'sia and my pathetic shell.TO GO OR NOT TO GO???That is the question.DAMN.

BALI BOMBING

2005-10-06T15:05:00.000+08:00

I was talking to Prana(my Indonesian friend) on Sunday or rather at 1.30am on Monday....he called me from Jakarta.What a nice surprise......we keep in touch quite often and this time it was him who called and wondered why I hadnt called him for so long.That's thoughtful. :)

When I went to work on Monday morning,I came across the papers and it says "Bali Bombing" or some headlines like that.I thought it was a flashback news on the incident that happened 3 yrs back.As I read on.....a cold chill went through my spine.It's a recent bombing!And for some weird reason,Prana didnt tell me about it......I'm so lost in the latest news that's happening in the world.That's really bad.It's so awful to see the picture of the supposed bomber,with his head and left arm left - still intact.FREAKING DISGUSTING.What the hell were they thinking really??

The first thing that came across my mind,OH MY GOD......Tim is due to go to Bali for a holiday in 2 weeks time,the weekend of my birthday.No way,.....why is it happening all at once?I immediately sent him an SMS in China,I told him to cancel the trip.I guess......that is all that I could do.I wonder.....if you broke up with someone in an amicable way and still remain friends,how much would you still mean to him/her?Will your serious concern for him/her be heard or fall on deaf ear?I hope Tim would change his mind on the trip....I wish he would listen to me. :(

-Awesome Weekend-

2005-10-03T15:30:00.000+08:00

It wasnt busy at work on Saturday night.All the better for us.......we had plans! :P It was the beginning of October and we're due to spend our September tips money at Carnegie's(an Irish club/pub) that night.Hehe... :) I was pretty excited, .....yes....becky is going somewhere new yet again.Vicky(cashier) said that she wanted to wear something different,maybe a jeans rather than our working pants.OK.I brought my pants too but in the end,it turned out that I was the only one who dressed up.They were just too lazy in the end.Ugggh....they laughed at me,but it was because they were impressed with what I wore.......no one has ever seen me wear clothes that is other than working clothes.Haha!

Off we went to Carnegie's,my manager's wife(Siva) came along too.All of us had draught beers(which was what's great in Carnegie's,they have all types of beers on draft....COOL!),.....a pint each except my manager.He isnt much of a drinker really. He had gin tonic.I had Stella Artois,Vicky,Zul(bartender) & Mohan(wine service) all had KilKenny and Siva had Hoegaarden.Mine turned out to be the most expensive but they didnt serve it in a Stella glass,I was a bit disappointed and Siva's was really huge.I think it was more than a pint.All of us had a good laugh! :P Will upload the pics in Friendster.

The next round of drinks.....,I had a cocktail named "Around the World" - which has a combination of liquors like Long Island.Oh well,.....it really did bring me around the world!You know what I mean. :P But I think it was probably because it's been ages since I drank so much and due to the tiredness too.I only drink white wine these days,seldom hardcore liquors. :) Mohan had a shot of SkyyVodka Vanilla on the rocks and Zul had a pint of Hoegaarden. :) Later,Zul's girlfriend came too - her name is Nily.By that time,......Vicky was already doing some funny faces....making us laugh as hell.We were mimicking the way other people danced in other clubs - the inexperience dancers.It was hilarious.I thought I would die of laughing!

My manager and I were hungry and the kitchen was already closed.DAMN....so we decided to go to Qba at Westin Hotel,our initially planned place.Yes,becky went to another new place.Hehe. :) It's a salsa place,packed with people and it's nice to see those people dancing so well.THE KITCHEN WAS CLOSED TOO,NO FINGER FOOD EITHER.Ugggh!Nily didnt order any drinks,all the rest ordered Mojito - a cuban drink with rum,lime,mint leaves and soda but I had Caipirinha,a brazilian national drink which consist of rum,lime juice and sugar.Mine was the best,the Mojito sucks.It was nowhere near the Mojito at our store. YES,our best selling cocktail is Mojito and it's one of the best really.I'll put my money on that! :P Our concoction is better. Then Vicky's friend came too,her name is Alicia and she had Kahlua with milk. :) She's really a nice abnd friendly girl and we ended up talking a lot too.Her birthday is today,......we're both librans. :)

We left at 2.30am......all went separate ways.I followed Vicky and Alicia,we're staying quite close so Alicia could drop us.... safer than taking a cab.We went for supper "GRILLED FISH"!YUMMMY.......had two types of grilled fish and a plate of squid and iced tea for me.It cost us RM70 altogether but it was worth it. :) Now I know where to have delicious grilled fish in KL,not like the ones in Melaka but it's all good.Different style of preparation.

By the time I reached home,.....it was 5am.Was supposed to join Chris for drinks but they went somewhere else,somewhere near my house.What the hell!When I went home......he was still awake luckily.So I ended up chatting away.....I know he was tired,I was a bit tipsy too but heck,we dont see each other everyday remember? :) Stopped talking at 5.30am and told Chris to give me a hug in case we dont see each other tomorrow when he leaves.He was reluctant......but I insisted.He was SO SURE that we would see each other before he leaves.We always did anyway.Luckily I followed my instinct,I got up late the next day and unlike the regular "Chris" routine.....it ended up that he left the house with his baggage for some talks with "people" and from there he left straight for the airport.SHIT.He normally would go out for the talks first,then get back and pack,give me a hug and say goodbye. :( Well,see you in S'pore in Nov Chris.....I hope it wont get cancelled on my end.

I WONDER WHEN WILL THE NEXT AWESOME WEEKEND BE?I hope,......soon and more to come.I really need that.CHEERS!

Chris is here again! :P

2005-10-01T14:00:00.000+08:00

Chris arrived yesterday actually,.....in the evening.I was at work but managed to talk to him on the phone. :) This time around,I was surprised that he actually asked what I wanted from the airport....before he left HK.That was thoughtful. :) It's not that Chris is not a thoughtful person but he just doesnt have time to be thoughtful,he always forgets.....because of stress and tiredness. :(

I told him I wanted roasted goose from HK,but that was not possible because he was flying to S'pore first,...being there for two days and then to M'sia.What a waste.Then I said I wanted liquers,any flavoured ones but I did say that it if he finds it difficult to remember,......just buy me chocolates.In the end,he got it all jumbled up and bought me "LIQUER FLAVOURED CHOCOLATES".Haha!That was smart,thank you Chris.You're such a darling. :P

I was already asleep when they came back(they went to Zouk to discuss some things with the DJ for tonight's launch party), about 50% drunk.....talking and laughing loudly!At least that was what I told them to do,I asked them to knock on my door when they're back.I HAVE to see Chris first,.....in case I cant get there on time for the party tonight or wake up late tomorrow before he leaves for HK.

I'm going for some chill out drinks with my manager and colleagues at Carnegie's(Irish Bar) tonight,....maybe with our boss too.It would be great fun I think,.....but that would also mean that I will be going for the launch party later(hopefully not too late) and probably in a tipsy state.Haha!Lots of fun tonight and lots of rest tomorrow.Great way to end a weekend.For once!After so long..............

- YET ANOTHER DEATH -

2005-10-01T13:12:00.000+08:00

Two or three days ago,......I went out for lunch with a friend during my break and when I was on my way back to work,.....I received a call from HOME.I tried to stay calm,all the time thinking......OH NO,what now?It's very dreadful receiving a call from home out of a sudden...it is never good news really.To think that I've already stated that I work almost all day,therefore....I cannot answer any calls.

The news: One of my cousin passed away.A sudden and mysterious death.He complained of a stomach ache....was warded in the hospital but for no reason at all,he removed the drip and walked out of the hospital.Well,......this cousin of mine is a bit loose in his head....a trauma of seeing his parents quarrelling constantly left him in that state ever since he was a kid but he's always fine when on medication.Pity him too....he's really a nice guy.When he was back home,he had another tummy attack which was very painful but before anyone could do anything,.....he passed away.We're still waiting for the post mortem results.Rest in peace William.God bless. :(

Of course,it was sad......but because I was very tired from the events of the past few days and another event on the day that I got the news,.....I somehow managed to get it off my mind.I'm fine now.There is nothing more tragic than the way my cousin Damien passed away 3 yrs ago,plus.....it was on my birthday.

From all the passings,....it makes one stronger.It makes us realise how precise life is......everyday is one to cherish.Never take any light illness for granted.Constant headache might end up being a tumour,a fever might end up to be dengue,and a stomachache might end up being a stomach ulcer.

Another level - in dining

2005-09-29T12:50:00.000+08:00

The first time I went to Starhill Gallery(it's beside JW Marriot Hotel),it was over a drink in one of the bars called "Village".A week ago,.....we were told that we're going for a market visit there with our boss.So,I thought.No one told me about it.... thank god I was wearing a presentable top to go to a posh place like that,I only found out on the day itself.God was helping me. :)

It rained very heavily just as we were about to leave from our store......it's just 15minutes walk away.GOSH!All of us took an umbrella each....a large white one except Vicky,.....hers was maroon but it was all prefect.The colour of our logo is maroon and most of the time,the colour in our menu designs are cream colour or white.So we were like a mafia gang,carrying very big umbrellas and walking in the heavy rain.Wow!How cool is that?Haha.

Our destination was "Sentidos Tapas",......a spanish restaurant.We were seated in a section which looks like a private room which seats 8 people,there was 7 of us.It seems so exclusive,nice. :) Then,my boss dropped the bomb.It was meant to be a farewell lunch for my assistant manager.Oh well.....great,I just had my lunch before I came to work.Uggh!Anyway,....I ordered seafood pasta....which was not a Spanish thing,I ordered it because of the mussels,clams,prawns,fish and squid. :) It was yummy.A "Paella" would be too filling.I had strawberry fizz for my drink which is frozen.....awesome but a little sweet for me. My pasta portion was the most and I was nevertheless the last one to finish my meal!How embarassing. :( Regret for not ordering the duel combo which is grilled salmon and cod.It was smaller in portion,like a fine dining meal and delicious too(my asst. mgr had it).

It was yet another dining experience for me......more to come,I hope....and I think it will. :) I think it would be nice to spend some of my money on these fine food as a reward of having a boring life of working all the time and have no one to accompany me in the end. :( CHEERS!

the people who come and go

2005-09-16T14:20:00.000+08:00

like i said before in my recent blog,......there is almost no guest coming in my store.it doesnt bother us though. we're different.well,we're a tobacconist outlet and because of the strict tobacco laws these days......we cant advertise or do any promotions.we depend very much on word of mouth.we can have only one cigarette sale per day and then later at night,all we need is one guest with maybe 4 friends and they'll end up spending over a thousand ringgit for their bill.there you go...we're done for the day.that's the way my store is.

it really amaze me to see these people spending money like water and acting like fools when they're drunk.i really wonder, where did they get their money??i feel,maybe that's the price you pay to be rich.....or whatever they call it.as people say.... happiness is more valuable than money itself and I truly agree.you can see it in their eyes,of course...they're those who socialise for better opportunities and not all are sad people.it also enables me to view in a different perspective of how the rich and famous live,the way they behave when they socialise and how polite and humble they can be or how snobbish they can be.the pros and cons. :) many more to come......celebrities,expats......etc.

it is really nice when there is an event in our store,suddenly the place brights up....we see so many people and there is no room for mistakes.stressful,tiring but it's all in good fun.champagne,canapes,wine.......YUMMY!Oh no.....I'm not an alcoholic,dont worry. :P It's a great experience altogether.one thing I found out from my experience,when you're really tired and when you drink alcohol.......that's it,you get tipsy very easily!Haha.I went for a very late dinner a week or so ago,japanese food with white wine,then i headed back to my friend's place and had some rum.then i started feeling tipsy.but it's a nice feeling.hehe.cheers mates!

- becky........the truffle! -

2005-09-16T13:55:00.000+08:00

Gosh......there is just no one coming in to my store to dine as walk-in guest.Everyday is almost equavalent to "0" guest.All I do is stand like a fool at the cashier counter.....trying my very best not to turn mad with all the boredom.Waiting every second......,hoping someone would at least be curious enough to drop by and find out what kind of outlet are we.

In a cantonese saying,my current situation can be described as "waiting to be a fungus". :P And I wondered....if I were to really be a fungus......I would choose to be the most expensive of all.

BECKY THE TRUFFLE.........haha,there she go....becky in her current madness mode.

A Surprise Visit!

2005-09-06T15:40:00.000+08:00

I went back at 1.30am on Saturday.As tired as I was.....I still managed to take my shoes off,then I noticed the Samsonite bag,one that Mr. Laurence always use when on trips to S'pore.It just couldnt be,....maybe he left it the last time and Steve is using it to go to S'pore this time.I THOUGHT!Then I noticed the Acer labtop on the table.The exact model which Chris uses......maybe Steve's friend is using the same model too. :) I definitely wasnt dreaming....maybe just very tired and it just couldnt be,Chris is supposed to be in HK.I could I have not known if he's coming isnt it?

Off I went to bed......a much needed rest.I got up the next day and was on my way to the washing machine when I saw THE PURPLE AND YELLOW NIKE SHOES!!!!!That's it,.....that's definitely my dearest Chris's.No mistake.Oh my god!Chris is in my house and I didnt even get an advanced notice.I went back to my room....had a bath and when I came out of my room,there he was...right in front of me.....on the sofa,smiling.HOW SWEET.What a great way to start the day off isnt it? :)

It seems that Chris was in S'pore on Saturday and he decided to see me and Steve(my housemate) so he took a flight to M'sia......stayed for half a day and before I know it,he was already on his way back to HK on the 5.45pm flgith on Sunday.I only managed to talk to him at home and just a drink after and there you go.Now you see,now you dont.That's my dearest Chris.....his life which will always be but I hope things will get lighter on his end.

THANK YOU FOR THE SURPRISE VISIT CHRIS,see you next month and hopefully in S'pore in Nov. :)

- A Roller Coaster Ride -

2005-08-26T12:10:00.000+08:00

Here I am......trying to write my blog again.The last few days have been so fucked up at work,but out of work.....it was quite fun.Went for lunch of awesome HK food,a so-so movie and a pointless haircut on Sunday with Amanda at Sunway.The haircut just made me look even worse,a bit fatter and not stylish at all.What a waste of money even though it's under my grooming expenses.Monday was a disappointing day as my dinner and overnight plans were cancelled because my friend suddenly couldnt make it so I went to eat Thai food at my favourite restaurant.Ate like a pig.......tomyam noodle,pork with chilli and dried basil leaf with rice and mineral water.GOSH! :P

Tuesday...which was yesterday,was an even more fucked up day for me at work.There was a lunch event which was important and I screwed up the food co-ordination,which was the most important part of the event!All thanks to my co-partner who didnt give me the cue to fire the food,only when all was seated.....which was pretty dumb because we need at least 20 mins from then to get all the food out.I became the victim yet again.Of people's irresponsibility and dumbness.Bloody hell.

Maybe I put too much pressure on myself but there's always pressure at work.Words like "there's no margin for mistakes when the store is opened" and "everything you do will reflect on your performance review".Great isnt it?I havent gone for any review because of my medical leave,......I havent been able to prove anything good yet because I'm always at total lost!During events,....I'm given the lightest work because they dont want me to over-exert which is thoughtful but I'm wondering,....when will I ever learn then? :( I keep asking my colleagues about stuffs,to teach me and they're always pushing around saying things like "Yes,I'll teach you later".Later?Yeah right,....the "later" will never come and it will only come when I have my own things to do and settle and dont have the time to spare and learn.Everyone is just selfish and a hipocrite!

The day ended with a lighter note.Well,it was raining very heavily after work.......took a taxi to KLCC to meet with Yun Nee which cost me RM10 and took 40mins to arrive!Alas,....I arrived and felt really bad because Yun Nee waited for so long at MNG just to ask my opinion on a jacket that she wanted to buy. :( It's really nice to be able to meet her again,I was late the last time I met her for dinner too!Oh well,.....blame on the jam in KL.We headed back to her apartment.....she got ready and we headed to Summit USJ for dinner with Hwe Shean,Huay Woon,Mei Ching and Elaine and we were terribly LATE!Ooops. :P When we arrived,......the food was just about to be served so it was great as we were very hungry then.Hehe.It's nice to be able to have a mini gathering with them.Time flies and everyone is in their own world now.I stayed over at Yun Nee's apartment that night(her parents are worried that she's alone),it's nice to have someone to talk to....instead of me being in my apartment staring at the white ceiling. :( She's going to Melbourne this Sunday,for her internship of 5-6months so all the best Yun Nee. :) God bless.

P/S: The first part of this post was written on Wed(24/8)

Just another day.........

2005-08-16T14:00:00.000+08:00

Tomorrow is Chris's birthday and I'm so excited.Silly isnt it?I dont even look forward to my birthday.I hope the card arrives on time but it's hard to say.Let's just hope so. :) Of course I hope I can be there in HK to celebrate it with him!I think.....it may be accomplished one day but not now.I want it to be a memorable one for him.....it would definitely be AWESOME. :)

It's very boring at work these days......the store is yet to be opened.More renovations coming up so I really dont know when we'll really open and when that happens,I bet all the crews will go like "chicken without heads".It's ridiculous to practice service when you dont have any customers in yet.Really.All pressure will be on us because our opening has been delayed for 2 months and because of that.....people would except us to be at best when it opens but it's not as easy as they think. Anyway,...let's hope for the best.Our Marketing Director(Ricardo) just came in just now and it's nice to see him again after me being away for so long but the sad thing is,I definitely wont be seeing Luciano ever again.He's been promoted to Latin America.I'll definitely miss him.

Oh well......I ate dinner yesterday so that is no good.Today is even worse,I had nasi lemak(rice) with chicken for breakfast, fried noodles for lunch with Sarsi and there's a bar of chocolate in my pocket!!!OH NO.......fat fat becky.I wonder what's going to happen for dinner.If John calls me for japanese food tonight,it will be yet another day of BECKY'S SCREWED UP DIET PLANS. :P I plead guilty. UUUGGGHHHHHH....how am I going to take revenge on Tim?DAMN

A nice surprise but it's untimely.....:(

2005-08-14T01:20:00.000+08:00

It's Saturday today and for normal people,they might be having plans to go clubbing or doing something interesting.Me on the other hand....it wasnt that bad.I went out for dinner with a friend and looks like I'm staying over.At least it takes my mind of things for a while.It was actually supposed to be a dinner date with either Tim or this friend but Tim is already booked.

I was on the way for my dinner date and guess who I bumped into? TIM!It was such a surprise!Or rather,I would say it's fated?I mean,I really wanted to have dinner with him this weekend because I just have an urge to(there is just so much things which need an answer).....and in the coming weeks,I'll be busy.....preparing for the opening of my flagship store,Tim is travelling more and more often to China,his workload is pilling up so we never know when either of us will be free to meet for dinner.And there he was.He didnt see me of course and I didnt really see his face either.I was buying a ticket at the Bukit Bintang Monorail and when I turned left,I knew it was Tim just from the back.The way he walk,his height..... .It was amazing. :) We chatted for a bit but it was just brief,he was looking for his friend - a dinner appointment and so did I.It felt a bit awkward but I think it's a good way to get it going again.....re-building our friendship from what happened.He wasn't his usual self...maybe he felt guilty for what he did,I hope things will get better for us.It's a new beginning. :) I'm looking forward to it.I really didnt expect him to hug me,....then again it's because of what happened between us before this but he did.IT FELT LIKE ETERNITY.

Perseverence can be rewarding :)

2005-08-10T15:30:00.000+08:00

1)
I was friends with my bestfriend(Yang) since I was 14yrs old.We took the friendship a step and a time,.....he was the pillar of my strength when I was in high school.He may not realise it(then) but he was really the reason why life in high school for me wasnt as miserable as it would have been. :) We were very attached,considering how conservative my parents were!I still remember every bit of the journey.....the ups and downs.I always made sure I was there for him and I always know that he would also be there for me,although he doesnt put it in words.Thank you and Please are two very difficult words for him but it doesnt bother me.Action speaks louder than words anyway. :) There were little little things that he did which to him,is just a normal thing but it meant a lot to me.

2 years ago(I think)....when he was in Australia,he suddenly sent me an email and said Thank you for always being there and that he truly appreciates it - in his own words!I went speechless when I read the email,I just stared at the computer screen. IT WAS PRICELESS.The words that I yearned to hear. :) It finally did come.It was worth it.

2)
3 years plus ago,....I first met Chris(thanks to his dad) in S'pore.After that,I didnt know when I would ever ever see him again but I didnt give up.His presense meant a lot.After some searching and relocating, .....we managed to keep in touch via emails or ICQ......which was really not frequent at all.He was just so busy with uni and also travelling the world to help his dad..... me on the other hand,was busy with college.It was like "now you see,now you dont".But no matter where he was,.....it was ok....I was in constant contact with his dad anyway. :)

And then things started to change,for the better.2 years after that,....the opportunity finally came.Because of some business discussions(in a way it was partly bcos of me- I introduced them to the contact).....Chris came to M'sia for his first time,with his mum and dad.There he was, right in front of me.....after a gap of two years,in my country!I was a nervous wreck.It brings back so much memories of the times when we were in S'pore.There was just so many things to talk about but so little time.It was so awesome.Never in my wildest dream that we would meet again. :)

A few years later,......our journey includes him coming to M'sia,us meeting up in S'pore and hanging out in HK.It was all fun and memorable.Something that I would never forget in my life.To travel so far,to meet someone.It was a great journey.... Chris was like a sent down friend from heaven. :) Because of Chris,I went to S'pore and HK for my very first time.....my first time sitting an airplane and meeting so many great people along the way.

3)
Last year,I went out with Joe and after 6 months....he left for the US and that was just it.It was so sudden and deep down,I wish that we could still keep in touch.3 months after he left,he suddenly called me and now,we're in touch again.It's a great feeling isnt it?You thought you lost someone and then one day,that someone suddenly appears back to your life. :)

4)
3 months ago,I went out with Tim.It was great,really romantic and bla bla bla.It's nice to have someone there,to hang out with and both of us acting like smitten kids. :P The only bummer is that this year......he travels more because of work and we didnt get to meet as much as we wanted to.Anyway.....he was due to come back from one of this trips a month plus ago but somehow he didnt call me and I got dead worried and thought something BAD happened to him!I just didnt give up....I just wanted to hear his side of story.To me,it's better to get an answer that hurts than to have a question mark for life.Finally,I got to talk to him on the phone end of last month and now,there was a closure.

Bottom line is,........never give up!Have faith in yourself and your friend.Although not all stories end like mine,it would be a very satisfying feeling when you know you will get an answer to a certain matter one day. :) I always wished that my bestfriend would realise how much he meant to me and he did.I wanted so bad to see Chris again and always believed in it,.....I worked very hard to get the money to go to HK and I managed to do it.I didnt want to give up on Joe....no matter how a relationship ended,I always believe in keeping the friendship.Same thing with Tim too.Now do you get what I mean?I hope whoever is reading this,will believe in me.If you're determined to do something and put your heart to it,you will achieve it somehow. :) And when that happens,there's nothing better than the satisfaction.The truth will finally prevail.Cheers!

How I am coping......

2005-08-02T00:41:00.000+08:00

Well.....for those who dont already know,I fractured my right foot and has been on medical leave for more than a month now!The doc removed the plaster last Thurs,my right leg was totally numb and I just forgot how to walk.Really.It was SERIOUS MATTER.

The few days after that was utter HELL.My foot looked like a granny's foot......all dried up and it was still swelling,not to mention........every step forward was PAINFUL.But now it's a bit better, thankfully......lots of menthol oilment and practice.I'm walking without crutches now but my walk is not normal.It's jerky....my right knee somehow bends to the left for no apparent reason when I walk so it looks like the Mr. Bean kind of walk.I cant go 3 steps and a time,it's one.... two.....right....left. :( And it must be of the right angle too!I accidentally stepped at the wrong angle just now and *BOOM*,a jabbing pain.It's really worrying.I've only got till Sunday to get it right.I'm off to work this coming Monday and I dont want to be the laughing stock.OH NO! :(

Everyone in my family have been wondering why am I walking with a bended knee and not straight.They say I should walk straight and there would definitely be some pain.But as people say "It's easier said than done". :( It can get very stressful and frustrating at times.I really want to get it right SOON too because I'm starting work again on Monday and I dont want to look like an idiot.It's just not that easy......it takes time,TIME WILL HEAL.

- To my dearest "T" -

2005-07-17T00:30:00.000+08:00

I find it difficult to sleep.I hope my insomnia dont come back,it takes forever to recover.Sleep is probably my only salvation right now,it's a good way to drown everything thats happening around me....the fear that I wont be able to walk properly soon.....the amount of knowledge I missed at workplace and how am I going to catch up....the thoughts of what went wrong between us and where are you.Everything is so screwed up.

Deep down,I'm sad and afraid.I wished you are here.I know it will somehow make me feel a bit better hearing you say "Everything will be ok" even though there's nothing much you can do about it.Where are you?I feel so lost.

What have possibly gone wrong?Was it something I said?Is it the guilt you feel that make you act so weirdly suddenly?What is it?Cant my sincerity towards you overcome it all?God,please answer me!I dont want to lose a friend whom I've known for more than a year because of something silly.I miss Carsten and Janine,if I'm not in touch with you,I wont be able to be in touch with them too.

Four years ago,I made a birthday wish for God to keep my cousin alive....but he passed away on my birthday.I know my birthday is still far away but if I had a wish this year,I want it to be that WE are what we were before you left for Germany.If I knew that I wont be able to ever see you again,I would hug you tightly, say GOODBYE and never look back.I dont want it to end this way....not hearing from you again. After all,we were friends before we went out together.Isnt it??

"Es Tut Mir Leid aber Ich Liebe Dich"

DOC's VERDICT!

2005-07-14T12:00:00.000+08:00

I feel so drained.My head feels heavy now.I woke up from a dream very early this morning.It was Tim in it,I met him again.Oh well,....how sweet but it was just a dream anyway.I need to sleep NOW!

I just came back from the doctor.My worst nightmare came through.My MC has been extended for another 2 weeks so that means I've been away from work for a month!OH MY GOD....I'm in deep shit definitely. I feel like dying.The nightmare just dont end there.Even if my bone is healed,I wont be able to walk properly.....I'll be hopping and everything wont be as normal for another 2 months.

But I think I'm more saddened with the fact that I wont be able to secretly go to Tim's hse as planned for his b'day and to me,that is even worse than not working.Everything is so screwed. It's like as if god is trying to tell me a bad news in a different way.Has something bad happened to Tim?PLEASE TELL ME HE'S OK!

- becky the serial dater or becky the hermit -

2005-07-06T14:22:00.000+08:00

Everything was great.New job,meeting great people,.....lots of knowledge and went out with a great guy too.Oh well,.....sometimes it's true that nothing would ever be perfect.There's no such a thing as a smooth sailing life isnt it?

Sometimes I feel like being a "player",.....taking revenge on guys.dating them,and then dumping them no matter how much I like them,make them feel the pain,make sure their heart is really broken!But that's just so insane because Becky is not that type of girl.At the end of the day, everything will be so empty......meaningless.

There isnt short of fishes around.In fact,I already met a gorgeous one named Steve.Trust me, he's really gorgeous!But......he's a caucasian too.Oh no,....now I'm afraid of them.Then there's another asian fish named Nicholas who's quite cute.But hell,what's the point?I dont feel a thing....they're great guys but there isnt any connection right now.Or maybe I'm looking at the wrong direction?

I went through a makeover.Wasnt a major one...well at least not in the weight department but you can really see the difference.I'm not trying to brag but I do come across people and old friends who would go *wow* becky! when they see me.That is a compliment really but what's the point when you meet a great guy,maybe give yourself a chance and end up heart broken again in the end?It's just a cycle so why bother?

Maybe I should start hanging out with my single mates again....being a hermit.Safe and sound. Thinking back,it is nice to have someone there to hug or to be there for you but it's scary to get up one day and realise that he is no more there. And that you've lost your safe zone.

It's ok that it's OVER,.....that's what I think.Maybe he's just away....busy with work.It's always never a good thing when someone walk out on you without you ever knowing the reason WHY. I'm not saying that Tim walked out on me but I'm just putting it that way so I wont feel a thing if it really happens.The thing that makes me sad is the fact that I've lost another friend yet again. Maybe it's adviseable to date a stranger and not a friend?They some how come back to me again after sometime but will Tim?Let's hope so.

To be or not to be : Becky the serial dater or Becky the hermit?

Busy Currently!

2005-05-23T02:06:00.000+08:00

Dearest friends from around the world,

I'm currently busy with my new job.Going for inductions,doing researches on food......there's quite a lot of operational training the coming weeks too.All is in good fun so I wont have any time to go online.I hope you understand. :) Cheers!

P/S:In case I didnt update you guys......Tim and I have been keeping in touch,and we went for an outing yesterday.It was really fun! :P

Yet Another Loss In My Life

2005-05-15T03:05:00.000+08:00

5 days ago,.........my GODFATHER passed away.He suddenly had a massive heart attack at 7am on Mother's Day and didnt recover from it.I was a day late from getting the news that he was in the hospital,by the time I knew.....it was after visiting hours even if I rushed back to Melaka immediately.I would still have to wait until the next day to visit him.

I really hate to get sudden news like that where out of the blue,someone really close is in serious danger.Who likes it anyway right?At times like this,my mind will snap and I just wont give a damn on anything that's going on.The only thing on my mind is "GET BACK HOME NOW!!!!".I couldnt do it this time,I had a very important interview to go to,the next day.Deep down in my heart,I whispered to my godfather.....asking him to hang on and wait until I come back.It really makes a difference between seeing a person while he's still breathing(even though he's on life support) and seeing him already dead.The reality of it will really HIT YOU! :( I finally understood what the legal fight was all about,saving Terri.I guess it's tiring,.....trying to hang on to your dear life when you know you cant.

He was 84+.So that's ok.Of course I feel sad,but there's nothing we could do about it.The best consolation is that he didnt suffer,THAT WAS MOST IMPORTANT.

Overdue, Overdue!!

2005-05-06T00:40:00.000+08:00

Oh my god! It's been more than a month plus since my last post.How terrible is that really??
:( Sorry mates,I've been busy doing nothing but lazing my ass off!Hahahahah. :P No REALLY,I was busy with Outback and catching the 3.30pm Korean Teledrama.It just ended it's run so all is fine.Yup,.....for some reasons...I should not be as jovial as I am today,you know,...PMS.But this month,it's the totally opposite and unexpected.I was as happy as a KID(how do you complete that line? - I forgot),smiling so freely and giving the customers the best of my service and I ended up with RM30 & SGD5 tips for the day.Yipee!What a reward right?

Oh well,the good news is....I followed my friend to a job agency for fun and ended up filling up some forms for my profile....going through some questionaires and a mini interview and to my surprise,they happen to have a job which is some sort of in the F&B line - which I'm seriously going to venture in,I'm not really sure what's the work description but the pay sounds good and the interview is on Monday.So I was kind of in a daze but feeling cheerful and hoping for the best!You guys should be HAPPY for me.Suddenly,there is HOPE again.How wonderful is that?I've woken up from my long long dream and I'm full with energy. KAMPATE & GANBATTE to myself. :P

THERE is HOPE, THERE is HOPE, THERE is HOPE.........................

Yesterday and Today

2005-03-27T00:20:00.000+08:00

Hmm.........how to start?Oh well,I finally got my hugs yesterday.One from a cute girl named Christine from Austria and two from Tim,my handsome German regular.Yes,he went missing since I came back from HK(the last time I saw him) and now he's back.Hehe.Ain't that a nice way to end a tired day?Miss him terribly and he missed me too.He'll be gone for another month and a half,going to Shanghai for work and after that back to Germany for a short holiday and when he's back the next time,we'll go for a dinner.Yipee.

Oh yes.I forgot to say,Joe is back!In Thailand that is.So is that a good news or what?Of course I'm happy to know that's he's back but I really don't know what my close friends(those who know what happened) would think.He called me this morning to that's a nice gesture I suppose.At least I knew what he's been doing the time that he was in US.Miami Florida....what a nice place really. :)

I just went to Outback to dine with my cousins,nephew and his friend and my aunt just now.The bill was RM275 plus but that's after RM50 over discount for me being the staff.Wow!But everyone enjoyed themselves.Am hoping to bring my parents for lunch there on Monday.

What else to say?I'm looking forward to watch House of Fury the next chance I get and I just got to know that one my cousin(mum's side) is getting married next week and no one told me!So looks like I might not be able to make it but I really want to.It's so unfair,I'm quite close to him and no one in my family knows that.I got so pissed just now!Am going to talk to my mum bout it.How could she have not told me bout it?Most people only get married once in their life and it's really important.How can I miss it right?Ugghhhh.......... :(

MOVIE REVIEWS

2005-03-23T01:22:00.000+08:00

I went to watch Million Dollar Baby last Wednesday,.....at KLCC.I just couldn't believe how the story went.I expected it to be a typical story bout a poor poor girl having big dreams to be a star boxer and fullfilled the dream,end of story.What a twist.In the beginning,...the story went like what I expected but the end,it left be dumb founded,.....crying like a baby.I don't know whether the show would really have the same effect it did to me,I think it's just probably me.The way she died in the end,it was just more than what my heart could handle.I just hate it when I come across a storyline where someone is almost dying or a hospital scene.It just reminds me of my cousin Damien!The gal in the movie had the chance to ask someone to pull the tube off and let her die peacefully but my cousin really wanted to stay alive,he kept asking us to ask the doctor to save him but he just didn't survive.How sad can that be?It's so UNFAIR.I really hate it.DAMN. :(

On a lighter note,my next movie on Sunday at Times Square was the total opposite.HITCH.Hilarious,refreshing jokes and an eye opener.It really made me feel that it's really not impossible to attract the one you love although I really wished that the date doctor was a woman and it'll be the total opposite of a woman trying to attract the man she love or make the first move.Now that is interesting ain't it? :P

To top it up,it was the first time I went to the cinema at Times Square and it was just so shocking!Very lavish I would say.....I just don't know how many floors of cinema they had.I bought my tickets on Level 3 but the movie I was watching was on Hall1,which is on Level 2.The moment I went in to take my seat,it looks like an auditorium.......as if I'm going for a lecture at university and I think that's the only downside I thought so far. :)

---- Times of Adversity ----

2005-03-16T04:00:00.000+08:00

When you laugh,the world laughs with you....when you cry,you cry alone.Yes,....that's it.That feeling came back again today. What a pathetic proverb to deal with for the day don't you think?I've already been feeling like a jack ass and sad enough for the past few days to say the least.I kept thinking about the stupid accusations I threw at Chris and no matter how many SORRY's I said this time,it just doesn't seem to work on him.I think he's really pissed.GOSH.Or maybe he's just being busy as usual,throwing himself in his work.I hate to think too much,it just makes matters worse.It definitely brought disaster this time!

I really got mad today...I went on my anger rampage but it wasn't that damaging to anyone but myself.I felt so HURT.I was accused of something that I didn't do! I was left all by myself when some colleagues went for their dinner break and as usual,the customers suddenly came in non-stop.I could handle it at first,although it was insane for a moment.Then,my regular customer Jim came in,and because his son was in a bad mood,he insisted to sit outside(which is not my station) and so his parents had to follow.How nice.I am stationed inside but 2 days ago,Jim already told me he's coming to celebrate his wife's b'day today and he always insist that I handle his table and I did.After all, no one was back yet. And then after a while,rather late.....everyone came back and instead of saying Thank You,one of my friend accused me of stealing another girl's table!!!Jim's table,which is so ridiculous because she didn't know the head or tail of the whole thing!So you see,I got so mad........why wouldn't I,right?I was just trying to do my job at best,at the customer's request.... for god's sake.

It just spoilt my whole mood after that.I just couldn't focus on my work because of the anger that was burning inside.I mean,I'm already not feeling myself lately and my mind just isn't there and here came another blow.How frustrating.People are just not supportive when you're sad, they only make you go to a lower point and I really hate that feeling!Ugggh :( To make matters worse,I did give a warning to my kitchen friends so as not to make me angry because I'm in a bad mood and they just started making things worse by irritating me more!And then I just couldn't stand it and started yelling at them to shut up and they got mad afterwards.

Why can't people understand for a while?They can at least try to do so right?I gave a warning so as not to make things worse but they just didn't listen and when I really got mad,they say nasty things.When you're the best and when you do your work at best,people get jealous of your achievements and they not only will not acknowledge it,they will try their very best to bring you down!By saying hurtful things which are not true,and accusing you with the most ridiculous of things! :( It always happen to me,in Outback at least.Of course I do feel sad but I always tell myself that no matter what they say,no one can deny that I'm the best because I am indeed the best.I'm definitely not blowing my trumpets,is it proven with all the reviews from my customers and other people in the management in Outback.No one can find my fault except that I have a temper.It's the truth.

Sometimes,I just wonder why am I holding on so long.What's the purpose anyway?But I don't want to think too much,it will only make me aimless and sad and it will also bring my insomnia back. :( I really need a HUG but all I get is the bolster. *SOB* *SOB* - enough of crying,it's beginning to have a bad effect on my eyes.Let's hope tomorrow will be a better day,resting day and a movie I hope.

P/S: It seem that Chris was not in HK when I called or SMS him.....he didnt avoid me.That silly guy was in S'pore and he didnt tell me about it.At least he apologised. :P

After lunch......

2005-03-13T16:55:00.000+08:00

I just had lunch at Outback,......my favourite fettucini pasta with grilled chicken and a scoop of vanilla ice cream with choc sauce and almonds.My gosh.....what am I trying to do?Making myself FAT again?Uggghh..... :( I went for a gathering with my friends from college yesterday and some of them say that I'm thinner but I really don't think so.It's because they haven't seen me for ages. And they didn't see me at my thinnest point,when I came back from HK last year. :(

I feel sleepy now.....went to chill out at a pub with Salsa songs yesterday although I was dead tired and sleepy.It was really relaxing,simple interior with hip illustrations on the wall.COOL. Oops........I need to go now or I'll be late at work at Outback yet again. :( I'm on off on Wed again this week so looking forward to watch ROBOTS,this time....with a friend. :) Ciao.

Secret to Indulgence!

2005-03-11T02:30:00.001+08:00

I took refuge at my cousin's place for two and a half days,I was supposed to go to S'pore but cancelled the plan. :( It's my resting place.Away from my everyday life.I do almost nothing here,.....sleep like a pig thanks to the air - con,eat 3 full meals a day and of course snacking like a pig too,put all my dirty clothes in a pail and just chuck it, there's a washing machine and a maid,lots of television but like today,the Astro went loco so I was screwed with nothing to do!,....and internet at night if I'm lucky.SO HOW'S THAT?Hehe... :P

I went for two movies straight after the other yesterday at KLCC and it was an awesome experience. :) I've never tried it before and got the idea from one of my friend who told me she went for a whole day of movies but she went with friends of course.I WENT ALONE!I don't think it's pathetic,it's not the first time I went to watch a movie alone anyway. It's nice to be alone at times.It's Wednesday after all,cheaper price for movie tickets and it was definitely worth every cent. :)

Lemony Sickets:The Unfortunate Events was interesting although I would say it can't beat Harry Potter yet,they need to put more wacky stuffs in it but the visual animation after the movie is really amazing.It's really creative!So make sure you guys stay on at the end of the movie to watch it,it's at least 10 minutes of animation I think.Don't miss it!If I didn't see it wrong,the visual effects was done by Stefan Sagmeister(they spelled his name wrongly in the movie)....a great graphic artist/designer(one of the gods in the design world) from New York whom I've met in person. :) EMBRACE LIFE,that's what he wrote in the autograph for me.

Shall We Dance? is also worth watching for those who love dance!The storyline is common I would say,but it's the dancing that is the reason why I watched it apart from seeing Richard Gere. :P Ballroom dancing is such a graceful thing.How I wish I could master it...I need to learn it from my dad but I only get to practice it in family weddings?But that hasn't happened for 10 years now.Hah!The movie left me in Cloud 9.It's not impossible for a person to be a graceful dancer.I came back Waltzing my way through the dining area in my cousin's house. :)

I went to Kinokuniya Bookstore and bought 3 small recipe books on cocktails,chicken and pastas!Hehe....in the mood to cook.And went to Cold Storage to buy RM50.03 worth of groceries after that.Wow!Everything I need for my roast chicken for dinner.It went well, roast chicken with baked potatoes,carrot,onions,tomatoes....garden salads but without any wine to go with it,what a waste but there was some rum in the gravy,they didn't know. :P Everything was finished......happy ending to my dinner,thanks to my naked chef Jamie Oliver! :) I wanted to buy his cookbook but it's a bit costly for me right now(RM71.50).I wonder how much it cost in UK.Must be cheap because the recipe book I bought was USD2.95 but it cost RM8.90 over here.Hmmm..... .I'm really in the mood to cook and am already planning for my barbecue dinner at my cousin's new house but they're only going to shift somewhere in May or June!GOSH.........:) Learned two new recipes,slow roasted pork from Nilas and kefte from Anthony Bourdain's trip to Morocco.Wonderful!Can't wait to experiment it. :)

Today on the other hand,was such a boring day.Serious REST and pigging around.Slept three times a day in between getting up at 1.20pm till now and ate a million times today. Everything from noodles soup for breakfast,orange juice,lots of Fererro Rocher chocolates in between,chocolate love letters,fruit cocktail,lots of Ribena drink,rice for dinner, chocolate cereals with milk,mushroom with carrot soup and steamed chicken for supper,one and a half green apples,fruit cocktail again and fried pumpkin with dried shrimps!OH MY GOD.And I'm not even depressed!I indulge myself to serious nonsense and unhealthy eating when I'm depressed.I just miss Chris but that's definitely not the reason why I ate like a pig today.There were just too much temptations around!Haha.....luckily for me,there wasn't ice cream around or else I would definitely end up with a serious weight problem.The one kg I put on recently was because of the ice cream session I ate about 3 weeks ago and it still didn't go off! :( I weight myself just now and I'm ok.Didn't go up a bit.Phew!Thank god again....goodnite.

I NEED TO GET OUT TO SOMEWHERE!

2005-03-03T01:47:00.000+08:00

I'm really feeling frustrated now.....I just wanna get out of KL.Just for a while......I really need to get out of my regular routine!It's just so freaking boring.I need to get a LIFE.I think that the only thing that makes me truly happy is when I travel!That's when I can really let go whatever it is....and truly relax.Stop thinking about not getting a proper job or what's my next move or Chris or the side effects of the confession.I keep recalling my happy times in HK and always thinking "if only" I had some money in my bank account left and "if only" I stayed on in HK for a little while longer. :( It's just insane.I know I need to get on but there's always something bout HK that's haunting me.I miss the weather there,it's just so freaking hot in M'sia.I want to get out to somewhere.....at least to Genting or Penang or S'pore?Just SOMEWHERE!Uggh.......but money is always an issue.God,can you maybe make MONEY RAIN for a day?PLEASE?Wow!I'm going MAD. :P

- Fun Experience -

2005-02-27T03:00:00.000+08:00

Three days ago,or rather four days ago(23 Feb),it was the last day of CNY or Chap Goh Meh, they call it.When I was in college,my friends used to tell me about people throwing oranges in the rivers,ponds or places like that in the hope of finding some love and I really didn't quite understand the logic behind it.Now I finally know what it's all about!Haha.I went to a pond in Taman Jaya to check it out....with an orange in my pocket! :P There were some oranges floating in the pond and there were quite a few guys holding some long sticks with a fishing net at the end,trying to fish out those oranges and I just thought it was simply INSANE!Then I came across some girls writing something on the oranges and I just went to approached them....all the time wondering WHAT THE HELL ARE THEY DOING?

And then it all made sense.The girls will write their name and contact numbers on the orange and throw it in the pond and the guys will try to pick them up and then contact the girl and bla bla bla..... .It seems that the last day of CNY is the chinese version of Valentine's and by throwing your contact numbers in the pond(for single girls).....it might get picked up by someone and maybe that's your prince charming!Oh well.....you know what happened to my orange?I just threw it in.....with nothing on it and made a wish instead.How's that and skip all the troubles??Hehe.... :P

Utter Shock!

2005-02-20T01:22:00.000+08:00

Two days ago,......I was in a serious state of shock!Throughout my life...I've only seen it in movies....never once,in front of my eyes and it finally did happen.There was this couple who just got in to work,.....two days before I left for HK and when I came back,they were still in.I really don't know what the matter was but I was talking to one friend and suddenly,this guy got mad with his gf.They weren't yelling at each other or anything like that but instead they went to the balcony.Then suddenly,the guy started punching the girl and the girl punched him back.As if that wasn't enough,....he dragged her in and punched her again.

Everything happened so quickly,I was in a shock!I couldn't move or even utter a word.I just didn't know what to do!I have martial art skills...I've learned it but it's only for self defence.At that point,I didn't know whether I should go to the girl's aid or let it be - it's better not to interfere with people's personal problems.The girl was lucky enough that my friend went to her aid and broke the fight.It would have ended with an even worse results if otherwise.

Of course,I got really MAD!MAD that I was so shocked that I got paralysed and didn't know what should I do - I didn't go to the aid of someone in need,MAD that a damn guy hit his gf - GUYS,......never ever you dare hit a girl! shame on you if you do that......an animal is more human than YOU! and MAD to know that some people would be so brainless as to hit someone you so call "love" in full view of your friends(where's your dignity?) and to think that the guy is a student in Uni - I'M SPEECHLESS REALLY!DAMN.....the image still can't get out of my head.I still get flashbacks on that incident and it's really scary. :(

Valentine's Day!

2005-02-17T16:50:00.000+08:00

Valentine's was 3 days ago.......to me,it didn't mean anything really.If you have a special someone....maybe it's a different thing altogether.Oh well,I always think that everyday is a Valentine's Day when you have the one you love by your side.Isn't it? :) No need for all those flowers,candle light dinners,....etc.What a waste of money!Ugghh....thank god I'm not a guy. Haha.

There were a few surprise SMS from friends and I thank you all. :) I was working at Outback on that day and it's really great to see that of all the couples that dined,...only about one or two had bouquets of flowers.Keep It Up People!No use wasting all the money for the flowers, ...it'll just die soon after and what is it for after that right?Spending time with your other half is all that matters.

As for me,....it's too bad Chris is in HK although he's not even my bf.Worse still,he lost his hp and we didn't talked on the phone until recently. :P I'm just thankful that he got the same number back,it's time to get a new hp anyway.Hehe.

Should I Continue?

2005-02-15T06:30:00.000+08:00

I suddenly started thinking,....should I continue with my adventure stories in HK or what?And I think,....there's no need to do so.I just need to wake up and start shouting to myself "Becca!Get over it....you're back from HK coming to two weeks now and yes,Chris is still in HK as well and you can't do anything about it now!"I need to get it out of my system....how dreadful.

My trips to HK always brings back good memories,something that I would always cherish.I have true fascination towards HK which I don't know how to explain.Many people might think that it's because that's where Chris is from anyway but I really don't think so.It's a shopping paradise yes,but it's also my paradise in many ways.

I always travel alone to HK,although I have lots of friends there as well.My first trip to HK 3 yrs ago really made me believe that DETERMINATION REALLY PAYS OFF!To think that my conservative parents(then) allowed me to board my first flight ALONE,it was simply a blessing from God I guess. :) A true achievement that puts a smile on my face anytime that I think of it to this day.The excitement of travelling alone,it's simply hard to describe.....to be able to live my dreams to travel around,that's even greater.Although HK is the only foreign country I've been to apart from S'pore,it never stops me from thinking that it would be possible to go further than HK sometime soon,one fine day. :)

What I like about HK?The courtesy calls within HK at the airport(arrival) so I can call all my HK friends and chat for a while and I don't mind checking out of the airport much later because of it,I always make sure I buy a box of VitaSoy(soya bean drink) the moment I reach HK,at the nearest 7-11 or convenient store - my favourite drink which I can only get in S'pore or HK somehow,sitting the MTR - it's so much faster than the LRT in M'sia....it's not possible to be late because there's one every 3 minutes,using the Octopus card(applicable for almost all forms of transport in HK except taxi & trams at HK island) which is really an awesome system,eating the shrimp wanton noodles - dim sum and yum cha with friends - my favourite "char leong" - not forgetting any food that's truly HK,staying in Tsim Sha Tsui because it's near the harbour, shopping in Mongkok - Fa Yuen Street is better than Ladies Market!....better bargain - Sai Yeung Choi Street - Esprit Factory Outlet at Prestige Tower(T.S.T,they're shifting in March), going through the everyday routine like a Hong Kong citizen - everywhere I go,it feels like a part of some HK movies,the possibility of meeting someone famous,walking along the Avenue of Stars in the evening or late at night - feeling the breeze,listening to the wave and admiring the lights in buildings across the harbour,sitting alone at Statue Square(Central) - listening to the fountain and looking up the sky at all those skyscrapers,the view on Victoria's Peak at night is splendid too but it's out for me because it's a waste of money - I've been up there once so it's ok...the view at Avenue of Stars is just as good,walking along Stanley Market & Murray House,thanks to Chris - my latest favourite is to go up the Mid-Levels Escalator late at night & a drink at Soho! it's much better than Lan Kwai Fong - not too crowded,peaceful and the drinks are much more reasonable I guess,and most of all.....I always lose weight at the end of my trips!....thanks to all those walking.

My most recent trip to HK is one that sums it all,I managed to go to the Wishing Tree,shopping at Stanley Market,taking a sampan ride at Aberdeen & seeing the famous Jumbo Restaurant!, passing by Repulse Bay - being a real "tourist" and not "shopper", getting the chance to see those illegal stalls selling supper on the streets along Ladies Market ( like in the movies) and most of all,my wish finally came true....Chris was in HK this time. :) Simply memorable.The time I spent with Chris at Soho...it made me know Chris more,of who he really is - in a different perspective,my trip to the wishing tree gave me the chance to see the other part of HK - the countryside...the houses...the plants during winter....sitting a car in HK & driving at the highway, and last but not least...to be able to experience winter in HK - very cold for me because I'm afraid of cold and the breeze was strong,....the weather was such a contrast to M'sia and that's why I'm still sick! :P

Just a little something.........

2005-02-12T19:25:00.000+08:00

It's really pathetic....it's been a week plus that I'm back from HK.M'sia is so freaking HOT.....I have yet to recover from my cough!I still can't get over thinking about staying in HK for that whole week......regretting everyday that I didn't follow my heart to stay on for another week and spend Chinese New Year there,most of all...to be with Chris longer.I still haven't given up hope that Chris will come down sometime next week or soon.I want to continue my stories in HK but I really don't have the time now.I'm having a bit of headache....thanks to the heat! and I really want to sleep now but I have to go to my aunt's place later.Time flies for no apparent reason. CNY just passed by in a daze....nothing happy about it.I'm surprised that last year's CNY was so much better?Oh well,.....I really don't care now.It's almost over. :(

After lunch.....yummy dim sum :)

2005-02-02T15:15:00.000+08:00

Oops....I'm in Chris's office yet again....writing this.Haha!It's like my office too.I meet him here almost everyday that I'm in HK.No need to trouble him to come over to Tsim Sha Tsui to look for me,he always doesn't have the time.I just finished lunch with them,dim sum.....awesome. :) So far,it's been only dim sum and shrimp wanton noodles that I had throughout my trip,apart from some western food as well.I still haven't eaten the roast goose rice and a proper "char leong"! :( Too bad I guess... .Will be shopping around Chris's office area,there's some very cheap shops here but I just wonder whether I'll be able to get some clothes which is suitable to wear in M'sia.It's winter here so it's frustrating!Everything is in long sleeve!Haven't gotten anything for my family. :( Going to Fa Yuen Street again later in the evening.Almost all the stalls and shops were closed when I reached there at 9.15pm yesterday. :(

I'm trying to contact my friend's bf(Dixon) but I still can't.He's working in Wan Chai and I'm here now too.The credit in my HK number is only 70 cents so no one can call me and I can't call anyone either! :( No point in adding the credit.Am going back to M'sia tomorrow.So sad!I only got to know today that the SIM card I'm using was actually given by Chris's mum.Hehe.... :P Managed to talk to her yesterday,when she called Chris's dad and I was having dinner with him then.I sitll have lots to write about my HK trip,maybe when I get back to M'sia.Bye.......

Busy and hectic day for me....

2005-02-01T18:30:00.000+08:00

Hello hello....just a short one.I'm now with my other friend Eric at Lockhart Road drinking beer.Just thought of dropping a line while I still can.Leaving HK in 2 days time so I'm really sad. I met my toy designer friends today for lunch,then it's now with Eric amd there's still another one(Flora) to meet tomorrow.Wow.So hectic.I've got lots of gift from my friends so that's great.I never did really do serious shopping this time because it's winter season and all are mostly winter clothes...am going to Fa Yuen Street later for my final shopping spree I guess...haven't bought any clothes for my sis,bro,mum and dad. Uggghhhhh..... :( Ciao now......

What happened for the past 2 days in HK.....

2005-01-31T22:20:00.000+08:00

Oh well,I just got myself a hot chocolate at Pacific Coffee Company because it's freezing,the wind as well.....and so that I can go online for a while.The one at Harbour City is really slow!The last post was when I was going to meet Chris,and yes.....we went for some drinks(beer and cocktail) at Soho - 1911 Bar which is really a nice place.But we went to my favourite place in Central(Statue Square) first,before that.He also showed me the Mid-Levels Escalator which I think is really cool.It's on the way to Soho,.....a good exercise going downhill too.Hehe... :) We were there until 2.30am and after that we took a taxi to Wan Chai for supper,then back to his office for toilet!(there isn't much toilets in HK) and after that he brought me to the harbour......very quiet,cold and serene.Then it was to the bus stop for a bus for me to take to cross the harbour tunnel back to Kowloon because the MTR and ferry is already closed by there.It was 4.30am! :P I only got back to my hotel at 5am.

It was great that Chris could be with me although he's tired.I feel bad but it's not always that we meet!So I guess it's ok.We spent 5 hours together,talking and talking.I guess it helped me understand him a little bit more.....his life in HK and other things too.I'm trying to persuade him to come over to M'sia for CNY because he'll be alone in HK then.DAMN.....what a waste,I wish I can extent my stay. :( He's really keen on it and I really hope that it will happen.He really needs good rest and to get away from his work!He's too stressed.

Oh......and I went to the wishing tree on Sunday!!Finally.And it was really a great experience.I wrote my wishes in English of course,but it was quite embarassed because I am a chinese and everyone was writing their wishes in chinese except me. :( It wasn't easy to throw the paper up the tree but it managed to hang on......which means the wishes could and may come true.Hehe. Also went to Outback HK on that night with Alan and Babs.A great day altogether.Opps.... they're closing....I better end it here!Ciao

At Central MTR

2005-01-29T22:27:00.000+08:00

Hey friends,

I'm the Central MTR now......as usual,there's internet here so it's good opportunity.I'm supposed to meet Chris at Exit A and he should already be here.Bad bad me,....oh never mind. :P He's really tired but he didn't want to let me down.There's a timer which gives you 15 minutes to use the internet so I'm typing as fast as I can.I went to Mongkok today...meeting up with Alan and Babs at their hotel first.I gotta go.....more news tomorrow I hope.I'm going to the wishing tree tomorrow and I'm so EXCITED!!I've been wanting to go there for so long and lucky me,Henry(my other HK friend) is going tomorrow too so he'll be fetching me from the Shatin KCR station and drive to Lam Tsuen(wishing tree).Ciao now.Gotta run!!

Now in HK.....

2005-01-28T17:40:00.000+08:00

I reached HK at 1.45pm and after everything(check in to YWCA)......I'm now at Chris's(IdN) office! :P Hehe.....so glad to see him again,with a shorter hair and looking like a cute guy yet again.We'll be going out for either dinner or just a yumcha later.I have to meet my other friend Henry sometime later tonight but it's still not confirmed.Somehow,my other friends are a little busy but would definitely meet up with me so I'm thankful that on the better note,Chris would be free to bring me around and hang out.Yipeeee!!!!

The weather in HK is quite cold and I'm really grateful that Derrick gave me a thick jacket.If I don't wear a jacket,.....I feel cold but when I wear it,it'll be freaking hot and I'll sweat.Huh?I still feel heavy headed because of the sleepless nights that has finally hit my head,....at the wrong time. :( Haven't eaten anything since the flight...umm....except for half of Chris's fillet O fish. Hehe.... :P

I really have confidence that I would lose some serious weight when I'm here because I already lost my way to my hostel(carrying such heavy bags) and on the way to Wan Chai MTR station to meet Chris but I should be ok with directions by tomorrow. :P

Oh yes.....before I forget,the HK number I gave,it really works so feel free to keep in touch with me my dear friends. :) Gotta go.....I want to check out all the cool design books at the IdN gallery downstairs.

Contact in HK.....

2005-01-27T17:22:00.000+08:00

Dear friends,

I will be using a new SIM card in HK,CSL line and my number will be +(852) 9769 9494......in case any friends wanna SMS me for fun.Hehe.... :P But I think I will only change the SIM card on Jan 29 so for Jan 28,you guys can still contact me at my Maxis(017) no.Thank you.Cheers! :)

Nervous,Pressured and Excited????

2005-01-27T05:30:00.000+08:00

I was short of cash for the first time in my Outback life(3 yrs) during handover on Tuesday.I cried......it was RM38 less and I was supposed to be richer by RM45(tips) so you imagine how I felt?RM45 means a one way trip for the airport express. :( SAD

My Hong Kong trip is just two days away......I should be excited but nothing has hit me yet. Instead,I feel nervous,pressured and a bit worried?I've had everything planned but I really don't want to let Alan and Babs down.I MUST make sure all is well.

Then there's the thing bout the confession and Chris,nerve wrecking!He called at 10.30pm today.....I felt so happy and surprised.It's been a long time since I heared his voice.He offered to pick me up at the airport but since I know how to go about it,I said "it's OK".Don't want to trouble him you know?And then he said he would bring me around and I wondered whether it would be the other way round instead?NO hard feelings dear Chris,but you've been in Sydney almost half your life.But we'll see....it would be great to hang out with him.Miss him so much!First thing to do when I see him,.....A VERY TIGHT HUG!!Hehe.... :) It's too bad that his mum won't be in HK when I'm there. :( It would be a fun yumcha session and I miss her lots too.

What else?Oh yes.....the normal.INSOMNIA INSOMNIA!!Still not cured and I'm like a haggard idiot with a very bad black ring around my eyes.Damn frustrating really. :( I gotta go.It's 5.30am now for god's sake.Look forward to be entertained with my HK adventures.Cheers to all.

Outing for the day

2005-01-22T21:30:00.000+08:00

I'm on off day today.Went out with Amanda,I'm feeling so tired and sleepy now.From 11.45am - 7.30pm.I think I slept at 4am yesterday?So you can imagine how heavy headed I feel now. :( We went to watch Bridget Jones 2 and it was soooo hilarious!And after that we went to Petaling Street to buy some stuffs,I went to get some tit bits for my friends in HK. :) Later it was for me to cut my hair at Miko Studio.I wanted to give myself a new look, with a short hair regardless of how disastrous it would be but the stylist said that my hair is wavy and if I cut it short,it would be light and turn fizzy. :( That's sad.So in the end,it's layered style yet again,and they straighten my hair but I think it would only last for a while.One wash and it'll be gone.How sad. :( People keep on asking me "why don't you straighten your hair?" or "why don't you dye your hair?".Of course I wish too!But they never understand,I just don't have that luxury,I need money for other things that's more important than my hair or a new handphone. That,....are just accessories. :(

I bought 3 tiny clay rabbbits today......hare rather than rabbits.They're brown in colour.A few more to my collection of rabbits.Hehe....I'm so happy.So now I have 3 tiny clay rabbits,2 alice in the wonderland rubber rabbits and one specially carved wood rabbit.Hehe...isn't that nice?To all my friends,in case you don't know what to get me for any occasions,just buy me a cute decorative rabbit to add to my collection.But they must really look like rabbits ok?Roger Rabbit is ok too.But not too big.Thank you.Haha!Cheers.

Happenings along the way.........

2005-01-21T01:30:00.000+08:00

It's been 10 days since my last post.There are some other things which I didn't include because I just didn't have enough time to write.I begin to think that my blog is no more like an online diary,it's more like a monthly diary now. :( How I wish I had the time and chance to write everyday!

I used to miss Joe still but I think these days,the feeling is not as strong as before.I still do wish that I would be able to hear his voice again one day.I dared myself to finally ask my guy friend to call his number in Thailand,and his sister picked up the phone,I was hoping to get his contacts(number or email add) but she says it's always him who calls.I won't give up,maybe I'll try to call again soon and leave my number so that he can contact me instead. At least,I know that he's doing fine in US. :)

Chris went back to Sydney in Dec for a short holiday and rest.At that time,I was quite worried that he would not come back in time to mêet me in HK.Not again!Luckily,he came back on Jan 6......and up till now,he's still in HK and would definitely hang out together then.Hehe.......am so excited and really MISS HIM LOTS!

I have bêen fêeling very tired lately.....our Outback was in a renovation state,and after that it was clean up time. We were preparing for the Proprietor's conference 2005.Mr. Michael and Ms. July from US were here,and so did all the other proprietors from our S'pore,Bangkok,Indonesia 1 and 2 stores.All of them were so friendly!What a pleasure to have met them. :) I will be going to Outback HK sơon,after that Outback S'pore and most probably Outback Jakarta towards the end of the year.WOW.......how interesting.Hehe

It's just a wêek away from my HK trip.I'm excited,but at the same time.....a bit worried.I have not packed my stuffs(no time),so many people to mêet and so many things to do there so it makes it difficult for me to set my itinerary properly and make time for everything.And last but not least,.....I'm always prone to overspend there and end up using my credit card a little bit!Ugghh.......my mum might kill me?Oh no.

Oh yes,I forgot to say.....Tim(my regular German customer- handsome guy) came to dine yesterday.I was sơơo happy to sêe him again!He just got back from his X'mas holiday in Germany a wêek ago and he came in just as I was going out the dơor.I was surprised and stunned to sêe him and all I uttered was "Oh my god!You're back!". Haha... :P And he was very happy to mêet me tơo.Ended up giving me a nice hug twice and a peck on the chêek.AHEM........luckily my manager didn't sêe that.Haha!

Ơơoh.........it's late yet again and I still can't slêep until after 3 am everyday.My friend diagnosed me as having "insomnia".SAD!

Continuation - Part 2(I'm sorry for the delay)

2005-01-12T03:00:00.000+08:00

I FINALLY had the time to update my blog!So here it is.Dear friends,I'M REALLY SORRY FOR THE DELAY.The last one I wrote dated back to 19/12/04 - things that I would consider my story.I hope I can remember the details of what happened afterwards.

The last time I wanted to write,it was about my trip back to my hometown Malacca,I went back especially for the holiday workcamp(HWC) at the temple Seck Kia Eenh.I promised my friend that I would be there,so I did. :) Guess what??I saw my ex-boyfriend there!Haha..... :P A pleasant surprise but at the same time a bit awkward?We looked totally different from the time when we went out together.That was the funny part.Oh well.....I look the same but just a bit plummer? :P He,....on the other hand,is very much bigger sized than before.But anyway....all is good. :)

Bla bla bla......then I fell ill on eve of X'mas....so I wasn't in the mood for any celebration.There wasn't a need to anyway,I had to work at Outback.It was super packed but I did nothing.I was sick so I was put to be the hostess for the day.Being very tired,and grumpy...it resulted in one customer writing a comment card on me.Awwww!I just got even sicker by the day....and it went on for a week!So you can imagine how weak I was.It was utter hell!You name it,everything from sore throat,cough,fever,very high fever,flu,blocked nose and even diarrhoea.Gosh!I just couldn't eat anything.It was so painful and dreadful.I slept a lot......something I lacked for a long time(that's why I fell sick in the first place,my sleeping problem).So the panda eyes recovered.

I only went to the doctor the next time I went back to my hometown,just before New Year's eve.And it was in a private hospital!I looked very pale,that was what the doctor said.She wanted to give me some sleeping pills but decided not to in the end,although I really wished she did because it's coming back to me now.Frustrating,why can't I sleep nowadays?I only end up in being fatter(my dad said that sleeping late would lead to obesity so it's proven in my case).I only eat a meal a day but I look fatter I think?Sad case really.

The medication was really effective.I felt better although my energy(strength) didn't recover fully until recently. Luckily,....I was feeling better in time for the celebration of New Year's eve(it was a delayed X'mas party) at Outback.It was hell packed as usual and I was to cook chilli noodles for everyone attending the party.It was really delicious but too spicy for anyone to handle but they still ate it anyway.Hehe.My X'mas present??Ahem....some girl's thingy from a guy.Won't elaborate. :P Of course,.....there was the drinking session.All kinds of "pops" & shots!A treat from our boss.Tequila "pop",Vodka "pop",......whisky shots......etc.Man!That was fun.I didn't get drunk,....high or even stoned as they call it.Just normal looking although my head was a bit heavy.I went back alone by taxi and just 10 minutes into the journey,I asked the driver to stop aside and PUKE.......everything came out like a tap water!Yuks.........disgusting.I was embarassed but the guy was surprised to know that I actually was on alcohol because he said I looked so normal.Haha.It wasn't because I couldn't handle the liquors......I ate the noodle and fried chicken on empty stomach.Thanks a lot!Ugghh..... .

Jan 1 passed by just like any other day.I didn't even SMS my friend to wish a happy birthday.I was still low on strength and didn't have credit on my cellphone.Ooops......sorry. :P I think that's all now.It's soo late.Hope to write in a few day's time.AM I WRITING AN ESSAY???Haha.......cheers!

Sorry,......I'm trying to feel better and recover first!

2005-01-05T14:00:00.000+08:00

Dear friends again,

I know I know..........no blog for sooo long!I'm still trying to recover....although generally speaking,everything is gone but my strength is still not here yet.I feel my brain is a bit slow now....because my fever was very high and there wasn't any paracetamol at home!I still don't have any appetite to eat lots so that's a good thing in a way. Have a crave for salads nowadays so am going to Outback to eat quite often.What else?Oh yes,.....I don't have any NEW YEAR RESOLUTION so am feeling like a hermit.Oh well. :( Will try to buck up soon.

One thing I know for sure is I MISS CHRIS A LOT!!I even dreamt bout him a few days ago.So I'm really looking forward to go to HK soon.I'm not sure how long will he be in Sydney.I think he should be back soon.I just need to talk to him on the phone.It's been too long. :( Gotta go and have lunch. Maybe a combo,grilled salmon and salad.Wow!Hehe...... :P

Cheers to everyone for a belated X'mas and a Happy New Year greetings from Becca!Muakkks!

Seriously ILL!

2004-12-26T14:10:00.000+08:00

Dearest friends who are regular readers of my blog,

I'm seriously ILL now so that explains why I didn't write for so long.It's been 3 days being sick.I'm still not well yet.I'm sorry.I have so much to write but I just don't have the energy.I HATE BEING SICK ALL THE TIME!!

Continuation.........a very long one!Spare me your time.....thank you lots.

2004-12-19T06:15:00.000+08:00

I was actually due to write what that was on my mind dating back to 2 weeks ago but I just didn't have the time so here it is my friends!

It's 5.05am here in M'sia.I can't sleep.If you've read my previous postings,I did mention about my latest sleeping disorder a few blogs ago.There's the good and bad. The bad,it just seem to go worse,I end up failing to sleep right up to 3 or 5 something in the morning.The good,I don't crave for food at those weird hours as I once did.As a result,I end up like a panda!I really don't know why....I think it's probably because I have too much to think of,in my mind. :(

Mum came back from HK 8 days ago.She enjoyed herself lots and I'm so proud that she bought some stuffs that was worth buying,....I was worried that she'll end up getting cheated!Oopps... :P The things she bought at Shenzhen was sooo cheap!It really makes me feel like going there but...I need to make a visa to go there so that's too troublesome.Maybe MACAU instead?Hmm..... :P

My dad complained about some stomach pains a day after my mum left for HK and it remained for a week after that.Luckily he wasn't as stubborn as he usually is and agreed to go for a micro-scan,....the doctor found 3 growths and thankfully it's not cancerous!Within a day,...everything was cleared off and he's now on a very light diet.That is one episode......phew!All is well,thank god.

Prana sent me an SMS about 2 days ago......it was a surprise yet again.I had just topped up my cellphone credit,he called for a while and I returned the call and ended up chatting until my credit went to only RM1 something.Oh boy.On top of that,Chris called me right after that!Isn't it sweet??Hehe..... :P Like what I wrote in the earlier blog,....he says he's a bit fatter now and that's really good news because Chris is very thin because the stress and travelling.I told him that I would be looking forward to HUG HIM......he knows that.Haha.He says he would be going back to Oz for X'mas and as usual,he hasn't booked his flight yet!I hopes he'll be able to get on the plane.

I cooked dinner for my cousin on Saturday.....all in all,there were 9 people dining.It went well, ....although two of the dishes did not taste like how I wanted it to but they enjoyed it anyway. The only bummer....no dessert!I cooked 5 dishes - fried chicken glazed with honey,lotus roots with cubed mushroom & chopped dried shrimp,Ma Po Tofu(Sze Chuan style),steam cabbage wrapped with mince pork,prawns,chopped mushroom and fish paste and last but not least,a simple soup.How's that for an amateur??Hahahahaha! :P

I really have to go.It's 6.15 am now for God's sake!!Continue....again another day.

Not Really Free but..........

2004-12-19T02:43:00.000+08:00

I'm at my friend's cafe and I've been using the labtop for quite sometime now.I have lots to write but time just doesn't permit.I'm sorry.I just had to write somethings.Here I am.....for a little while.I suddenly feel so excited to go to Hong Kong,can't wait to meet Chris and to dine at Outback Hong Kong. Chris called me the other day.I miss him sooo much!!He says he'sa bit fatter now.I'm so excited!It'll be nice to hug him then.Ciao now.....cheers!Lots of Heineken today.Hehe!

I really can't believe it!!Where did it go????

2004-12-13T23:28:00.000+08:00

Right now.........I feel really stupid. It's the first time ever in my history of working in Outback for almost 3 yrs that I was short of some cash at the end of the day. RM37.29 to be exact.I really can't remember anything that was wrong.I always put the cash at the same place.....where could it possibly go right?HOW SAD.I'm already broke enough for the month and was supposed to be richer by RM12(tips for the day) but.... . :( Let's hope it doesn't happen again!! I'm really hoping that there'll be some extra cash in the BAR, which means that the bartenderess could have given me less money when I changed some cash at the BAR.

-There's only 5 minutes left.....will continue writing in my blog in a few days I hope.

What happened today and the other few days......

2004-12-10T02:50:00.000+08:00

Apart from my disappointing and sad day,......there are some good and bad events along the way as well. I went to dine at Outback Bangsar on Monday, the food was.......(no comments,better not comment),.....not to mention about the service as usual,....worse of all,I DIDN"T GET MY 50% DISCOUNT!!!!That was it.I vow,.....never to go there to dine anymore.......unless,if there's any unavoidable occasions. :(

I've been having some trouble falling asleep for the past few days. I just can't sleep,.....I don't know why. I don't feel hungry but I just end up ordering something to eat as early as 3am(which is sooo ridiculous and piggy attitude).But luckily,.......I'm able to sleep after that. :(

Prana(my Indonesian Outbacker friend) called me today!!What a pleasant surprise.I think he miss me.It's true.Hehe.... :) Another person called me and the cellphone stated it as "NO NUMBER" so I'm really puzzled as to who it was?It might be Chris though....because I gave him a miscall yesterday.Hmmm..........?????

There was a mishap today......!I banged my knee(bone) against the end of a rack!!!It was sooo painful,.........I kept yelling Yati's name for her to rescue me and I did cry.It was a hell painful feeling. :( Will be expecting some serious bruises tomorrow.OH NO!But thankfully,I didn't drop the pilsner glass that I was holding.That would have been worse. :(

Hmmm...........that was all of the good and bads I guess.More goods please! :P It's really late now.Nite nite.

How Much Should We Give in A Friendship??

2004-12-10T02:15:00.000+08:00

I feel trully disappointed today. It's all about feeling hopeless and being taken for granted yet again.DAMN IT REALLY!It's so frustrating.I've always been a stubborn person but whenever I seek advice from people(my friends or whoever that comes along),I would still take into account of what they said and later make my decision out of it.

Desi came back to Outback today.....Yati and I(Yati,Desi and I are like the PowerPuffGirls...very good friends at Outback) was relieved and delighted. We knew that it's a matter of time that she quits the job at the club.It's just too risky and tiring.We both "thought" for a moment,that our advices finally got into her head.How wrong we were!Her first reason was that the manager was all the time yelling,.....it was a good reason.The second reason was that her bf doesn't like her working at the club!!I was speechless,dumbfounded and everything just went numb.From Yati's expression,I knew she felt the same way.Like a knife being sliced through your heart!The one word that I kept uttering was "I"M SO DISAPPOINTED!!" What else should I say?

It made me start thinking "How Much Should We Give in A Friendship?? Yati, San and I have been advising her from the moment she told us she was taking on the new job at the club. With our every possible advice from experience,......it all went on deaf ears. At the end of the day, what her boyfriend said was what mattered most!So why are we wasting our time and investing our efforts on putting a lost girl back on track?It's just sooo SAD. It really makes me feel so low to know that when my friends have a girlfriend/boyfriend, they just chuck me one side.It happens all the time. I've never done that to anyone. Not that I know of.Even when Joe and I were very close. I still spared my time for my friends.

I would never do that to anyone,if I can. It's just a bad thing you know?It's like, when you need a friend,.......they are there for you and just because you have someone special,you just neglect them and put them aside?NO WAY!!A friend would always be a friend.There's no esceptions. :(

To whoever who have been there for me when I needed someone most, THANK YOU so much. I really mean it, from the bottom of my heart. The list of names,..........would never end. I know I can be a pain in the ass at times,thank you for bearing with me.

----- Blank Mind -----

2004-12-06T16:25:00.000+08:00

It's my off day again today.........I just came back from the movie The Polar Express(a very nice X'mas one), went to the bank to ask about foreign transactions and here I am now......in the cyber cafe. :) I really can't think of what to write this time. Just a blank mind today. AM glad that my diarrhoea is fine now.

I managed to meet up with my HK toy designer friends - BROTHERSFREE yesterday and I told them that I'll be going to HK in Jan next year.......their reaction : Wow,.......you have so much of money! Hahaha. :) That's funny.Ahem......! Of course, yumcha session is definitely a MUST and maybe they might bring me around WanChai for a little bit. I was very fortunate, if I were a day late....they would be back in HK.I thought they would be here for a few more days but tight schedules didn't allow. They have an exhibition going on in Mongkok. SO FAMOUS! :) The autograph session in M'sia itself was an hour long - so many people lining up. When they were in Taipei for the toy festival,......their autograph session was for 6 hours!No kidding.

OK.Back to me.......am due for a dinner at Bangsar Outback with my sis tonight.Yipee!Pigging again.It won't get better....only worse.There is still time to lose weight. I know.I'm gonna get myself a huge salad! :P That is all now friends.Adios.

DOCTOR PLEASE HELP ME GET BETTER!!!

2004-12-03T15:45:00.000+08:00

I've been having diarrhoea for two days now and would be going to the doctor after this.I've tried everything that I possible know...........from tradisional medicines to the ones the doctor gave me the last time I had diarrhoea,very very thick tea......etc.Nothing worked!!It's is soo dreadful.And I haven't ate anything either to say the least.I have no idea of what I should eat........nothing gets in,everything gets out! Uggh...........it's so disgusting.I hope you guys had your lunch before reading this.I really have to go now...........I'm hungry,cold and I look like an idiot.Bye........

PAYING MY DUE

2004-11-30T23:45:00.000+08:00

It's 11pm now.....and I haven't had my dinner. Can't think of what to eat, not hungry but would eventually eat something later. Hehe. :) I know that my blog post has been due for a week now. I'm really sorry my dear friends. I spent RM14(only for 3 hours) for the internet the other day searching for reasonable hotels in HK and chatting in MSN! Goodness me, what a way to waste my time and money. It's my off day at Outback today. Tips are getting a bit better for me these days. I'm in a cyber cafe near my apartment....and it only cost RM1 an hour. Can you imagine? I could have been online for 14 hours the other day!!! I had just wanted to download new pictures of me in Friendster.

The coming weeks would be a busy one......on weekends that is. My friends from HK are coming down in 2 days time(Dec2) and would be here for a week. I'm so excited!!! The next Saturday(Dec11), there's yet another wedding dinner to attend in Melaka with my dad......mum will be returning from HK that day. And the next Saturday after that(Dec18), I would be in Melaka again for a holiday camp. It's for a week but I would only be there on the last night of the event. Everything sounds interesting. It would be!

Oopss......my stomach's calling me. I gotta go. Don't want to end up with gastric. Sorry mates, a very short one this time.TAKE CARE

-Noise Pollution-

2004-11-23T18:09:00.000+08:00

The past hour was nothing but noise noise noise around me. I'm in the cyber cafe now. All the soundtracks from those computer games. HAVOC! What a terrible combination when brought together all at once. I'm feeling very FREE today.....lazy all again. Slept too much,....only got my butt up at 2pm. Bad....bad. Had some porridge for lunch and already gulped down two floss bread. Oh no. Excuse for only today - OFF DAY AT OUTBACK.Hehe.... :) I just emailed Chris. I hope he'll call me later.

I need to get things going after this. Wash some clothes,settling all my things yet again. Am going to get somemore shelves later. No dinner for tonight I think. Ummm.....maybe a pair of BBQ-ed wings? Bad.....bad. :P Oh yes....I might be taking a short course for French cooking. That should be soooo interesting.Hehe. And yes,....I think I'll make sure I go for my driving lessons by January. How embarassing. :(

I hope to get more things done at home today, I hope Chris calls me tonight, I hope to get Joe's contacts soon, I hope to be able to call Prana(my Indonesian Outbacker friend in Jakarta) sometime soon, I hope to get my driving license, and most of all.......I need to make up my mind on what I really WANT.

Many things to do,.....so little time.

2004-11-22T23:30:00.000+08:00

The past few days was spent doing nothing.......letting time pass by. I'm trying to get back on track......I mean, making full use of my time. I went to watch the "Incredicbles" yesterday and really liked it. Their powers are simply amazing. Hehe. I hope to come across their figurines soon. Tips at Outback is not really doing good for me.....I'm extremely broke now and that's why.Oh no.....I think this is the worse I've been so far but I'm not complaining. Let's hope I can make it through.

Riki mentioned that there's still some memories of Joe in my blog. Yes,......I do miss him. I hope to get his contact soon.

Nice Surprise :)

2004-11-18T23:30:00.000+08:00

Within a time frame of less than 24 hours,.....I met a few people(regulars at Outback) whom I've not seen for quite some time. I met Tim(my German regular customer) at Outback a few days ago - he lost some weight, poor him but he looks as cute and handsome as ever. Was really delighted to see him again,......I thought he went back to Germany or something. John(regular at Outback bar) came back from his holiday in Bali and yes,.....he remembered to buy me the Macedamia Nuts chocolate.Yipeee..... :P And Dave(another regular at the bar who's from London) came in today! Boy.....am I surprised??? Definitely.....he's thinner and he was missing for a few months. Would be in M'sia for a month and this time,he didn't bring any chocolates! Oh no..... :( Jamil(Outback Bangsar) came in for a while too. I've not seen him ever since the last time I went there to dine,.....seeing him makes me happy but also sad as well. Seeing him reminds me of Joe. That's why. :(

Today was supposed to be the start of my diet(food control) plan...I think I succeeded a little bit for a start. I shared my Saba Bento with Desi - the only thing I ate for the day. Am going for a drink after this......just to keep my stomach filled a little. Too much gas in it I think. The only sinful thing for the day - the chocolates John gave me. Oh well, I really can't resist chocolates an ice cream!!Hahahah..... :P

SORRY SORRY SORRY!

2004-11-17T00:10:00.000+08:00

For those who have been regulars in reading my blog, I apologise. I didn't realise, I've not been writing for almost a week now! I've been quite busy......working in Outback. Plus,..... I was away in my hometown for a couple of days. That was quite fun......eating like a pig, you know what I mean? Oh no......! :( I haven't been getting good tips for the past few days and I really hope things will catch up soon. I have so much to buy but little money left.....it's half way through November. Sister's birthday is coming and a friend's wedding coming soon. Gosh....this post is one of the most boring and un-interesting that I've ever written. No flow in language and everything is jumbled up. Will write more soon. I MISS YANG,I MISS CHRIS, I MISS JOE, I MISS PRANA, I MISS RIKI AND I HOPE ALAN GETS WELL SOON! Love you all.Cheers!

PIGGY PIGGY PIGGY!!! OH NO......

2004-11-11T01:15:00.000+08:00

I don't have the luxury of a full length mirror in my new apartment so as a result, I have totally no idea of how FAT I've become. Oh no.....! I looked in the mirror the other day and I went "OH MY GOD!!" I got a little freaked out. I'm a bit back to my old self. My double chin has begun to show a little(side view) and also my tummy is bulging a little. I really need to go on a serious diet.....of not eating too much! No more pigging around. I should think that there won't be anymore special occasion dinners after tomorrow. Let's hope so. :( I love food, I can't help myself but I really have to lose weight. For my health and for myself. It'll bring my confidence back. I must keep my motivation spirit on...... :) I CAN DO IT!!

Joe will be leaving for US at 5pm today.....should I call him up to say GOODBYE??? I really don't know but I think I would. I WOULD MISS HIM LOTS!!! :(

A Sweet Gesture.....

2004-11-09T00:30:00.000+08:00

One of my Korean regular customer came to eat at Outback yesterday. Guess what? They gave me a Korean keychain which they bought when they went back to Korea and a Canadian flag pin badge which they bought while on holiday there. How sweet. :) I'm really surprised that they remembered me. I actually wanted an Outback badge from Korea but they say they couldn't find any when they went back but nevertheless,.......it's the thought that counts. I feel so proud. They're a very friendly and cute couple. :) Nothing much to report. It's raining like hell in Malaysia, everyday and I don't know whether I should be thankful. I'm really looking forward to go back to Malacca(my hometown) tomorrow night. It would be nice to hang out with some friends and to eat some home cooked food. :) Pigging around again. Oh no,..... :( 3 more months to keep fit, before I go to HK. I need to buck up.

I called Joe this morning and he'll be leaving for US on the 11th of Nov. I'm really worried for him still, though I don't feel so sad now when I call him. I really hope he would be ok.....if I'm lucky,we'll be in touch till he comes back a year later. That is only a hope......which might not come true. :( It's quite difficult to keep in touch when one is on board a ship isn't it?? I need to give him my email address but he might lose it with so many other stuffs to bring.

Ooh,....come what may. That is all now I think. I'm sleepy.Ciao

Moving on.....

2004-11-06T23:25:00.000+08:00

It's already 3 days since Joe left. I called him two days ago in Thailand and he seems ok. I'm feeling a bit better now I reckon. When I look at his picture, the one we took at our happiest time, I don't feel as sad. He'll be working on board the ship to US for a year and that's a long time. I told him to remember to call before he leaves and he said he will, I really hope so. I think,as long as we keep in touch....everything should be fine. I went to eat at the Thai restaurant we used to eat.......it brings back sweet memories.

I talked to a guy friend of mine the other day asking him "why" Joe didn't say goodbye. He replied "maybe he didn't plan to anyway....because when you say GOODBYE,it's over and if you don't say GOODBYE, there's always the memory to cherish". Right now,......I'm taking that. It's probably the best explaination.

I called Chris in the evening for a while and he called back. It's been more than a week since we chat on the phone.....it's nice to hear his voice again. Hehe..... :P He did comment that I should have tried to survive in my pathetic job rather than quitting but it's quite difficult,when you're not in my situation. Anyway, I did remind him about me going to HK end of Jan next year and he says that he'll put me in his schedule. I think it should ok.....that he will be in HK on time for my arrival there. Keeping my fingers crossed everyday. Thing are always unpredictable with Chris's busy schedule. :(

Oh well, a customer of mine in Outback today wrote this in the comment card, I don't know whether it's a positive remark or not. What do you think dear readers??"Generally, the services rendered leaves much to be desired. Personnel's services are discriminatory against fellow Asians in favour of Westerners. Only Rebecca salvages a tinge of credibility for Outback" I think it's quite sad that just because other people(servers) gave a bad impression, it's an overall statement made to us don't you think?

I just screwed someone's email!!

2004-11-06T23:12:00.000+08:00

Oh my god! I'm in deep trouble I think. Damn.....I'm now in the cyber cafe and I accidentally shut down someone's computer,after he's spent a lot of time writing his email. He's super mad now but all I could say is I'M SORRY. What should I do?? I thought of paying another hour of internet for him to re-type his email but he'll probably get even madder right? Oh no....I guess I have to say sorry yet again, before I leave this place. :(

Yipeee!! I'm Finally Out of It!

2004-11-04T19:28:00.000+08:00

I really can't believe it. Everything went on smoothly and by tomorrow,.....I don't have to go to work as a designer. What a relieve! I'll have time to myself at last...getting my life back on track and planning my next move in my career. Whether in design or F&B or simultaneously. :) I'm feeling very happy now. Finally, one problem is solved and lifted off my shoulders. There's a reason to celebrate today and I'm going to Outback to eat. Hehe.... :P Maybe to a movie tonight itself or maybe tomorrow. Ciao now. Cheers!

Time of Execution!

2004-11-04T13:15:00.000+08:00

I'm back at office today. How dreadful......a waste of time. I'm going to send in my resignation letter today, but my boss is not in office now! Uggh......makes me even more tense. I just want to get it done soon. Best thing would be if he doesn't mind letting me go early(as in today itself), but I doubt so. :(

It's my off day at Outback today so I can have some rest. Maybe drag myself to clear my room and start arranging my stuffs, designing my room a bit. There're quite a lot of tidying up to do, ......lots of stuffs to buy too. I need a fridge(RM600), I need a new stove(RM100), I need 2 or 3 more bookshelves(RM70).....and what else? Oh no......have to think bout it again. Oh yes,.....a cupboard would be good because I have so much clothes! But there isn't a place to put in my room I think? :P Haha.

Like I said,.....everything came back to me again yesterday. Thinking back of the times with Joe. I really wonder whether he's really coming back again this once? I think he still has to do some explainations to the management. I gotta go! MY BOSS IS BACK!

I'm just following my heart.......

2004-11-03T01:30:00.000+08:00

I didn't go to work today. It feels really good. I had quite a bad diarrhoea yesterday so that made me feel very lazy to go to work. I went to the doctor just now and am so surprised to get two days of medical leave. How wonderful but I had to pay RM35 for the medication!Ugggh..... :( On the other hand, I actually planned to send Joe off to the airport but somehow I was so stupid. I didn't follow my heart and as a punishment for my stupidity.....I didn't get to say my last GOODBYE to Joe and now I'm feeling so sad. It's the END. I really don't know what went wrong with Joe....what made him so lost in the end. It's like we suddenly lost everything that we've ever shared before. I'm really trying to recover soon but it's difficult. I have a friend staying over with me tonight.....I'm half way through my drinking spree so I'm feeling a bit better and am looking forward to watch a movie tomorrow but I know, once I'm alone....everything will start coming back again.

Joe,.....probably you think you didn't want to hurt me but the truth is, I'd rather you said GOODBYE or say that it's OVER. It'll make me feel so much better. I really wanted us to remain friends till forever......leave the memories to cherish. I can do that,....after I get all the sadness out but CAN YOU?? I might never get the answer I suppose. You said you will come back. Although I really hope so, there's definitely a possibility that it's only WORDS. Please come back once again.....to say goodbye. All the best dear.

-- SUMMARY--

2004-11-01T13:08:00.000+08:00

It's been 4 days since my last post. Lots of things happened during those few days. :( I finally finished shifting my stuffs....but my new room & house is in a terrible mess. I didn't realise I had so much of things! I wish someone could help me to unpack my stuffs. I'm so tired and I really hate getting things organised.....I can't seem to be able to find my stuffs when everything is neat and tidy. Ugghhh.... :(

Joe came back on Friday and I managed to meet him on that day itself. I felt grateful that he's back but only to know that he'll be leaving......for good soon(probably tomorrow). I thought I could handle it,that I wouldn't be sad when he leaves but that's just so untrue. It's quite hard to let someone go.....when you've spent most of your time together. I'm used to being apart from someone close for a long time, but it's not as bad as this. I really don't think I would cross paths with Joe anymore after this. That is the thing that makes me sad....I want us to remain friends but it's quite difficult to remain that way. As a friend,I'm really worried for him.....working in the US,on board a cruise. Anything can happen along the way. If he's in M'sia....I could still call him or go to his place...even if he's back in Thailand. Communication is possible. Now,I'm not sure. I know I have to let go, wishing him ALL THE BEST but right now I'm not prepared. I feel scared.

I went for an event on Saturday and the performances were quite entertaining. :) I went to Outback to eat yesterday,it was awesome as usual. I finally found my favourite "Stella Artois" selling in the supermarket in Bangsar Village. After that was some drinks with my friend at The Ship. It wasn't so fun because it was only two of us. I didn't get drunk or high but it was nice to listen to the live band. I went back at 3am.....feeling down when I start thinking that it'll be only 2 more days before Joe leaves. The thing is,I don't think I'll be able to send him off to the airport. Then how am I going to say my last goodbye??

Mum wasn't feeling well during the weekend and I was quite worried. She went to the doctor and I really hope she recovers soon. I will be starting work again in Outback today.....somehow I feel a bit suffocated. I should be happy but the schedule.....it's a bit difficult. I didn't explain to San properly. I haven't quit my job yet! I really don't know what's coming my way in the next few days. I haven't send in my resignation letter. Wish Me Luck! At times like this,I suddenly wish that Chris would call. Maybe I would call him in the next few days. I really hope things will go to a brighter side soon. I really need that and I need to get over Joe and my designer job. Plus,.....I need to try to lose some weight. Eating too much ever since I started my job as a designer again.

Thank GOD!!

2004-10-28T15:53:00.000+08:00

I finally managed to go back home yesterday but it was already 9.30pm when I arrived. I immediately fell asleep, I didn't even change the clothes I was wearing! I didn't even have the strength to pack my stuffs to shift and my friend's coming to help me tomorrow. Nothing is done yet.....oh no! Woke up for no apparent reason at 3am. My body clock has gone loco for sure. Need to get it back to normal. :(

I went to work extremely late today.....2 hours later, at 11am. I got up early but I was just too lazy to get up. I did sleep well last night but still, it was not enough. :( I'm really hoping to go back early today.......but I need to rush and pack my stuffs before sleeping. Ugghh.......WISH ME LUCK!

Enough is Enough!!

2004-10-27T15:15:00.000+08:00

It's been 3 days of overnighting at my office. I've had enough. My boss said that today will be the last day for me,.....I hope he stand by his words! Otherwise,......... that's it. I'll just pack my bags and go off. I have my rights.....I have to get my sanity back. I really can't wait to quit........to think of the freedom I'll get......enjoying my life yet again. Like a human.

I'm really looking forward to go to HK again in January next year. Crossing my fingers starting from today.......to make it happen with success. Chris, I really hope you would be in HK then....come back from New York and L.A earlier ok? Cheers......... I NEED MY REST. PLEASE! :(

My Current State...........

2004-10-25T22:45:00.000+08:00

My shoulder blades feel as if I've just lifted a very HUGE rock behind my back! My head isn't feeling any better either. It's been feeling very very heavy throughout the day, my shoulders gave me problem ever since the day before. All day long,.........there is just a line that's ringing in my head "I WANT TO GO BACK, I WANT TO GO BACK!!!".
:( I really can't take it anymore(my body)........it's straining.I think I could just collapse.......my eyes is hardly open and here I am,........in my office yet again, on the second day of my overnight marathon! SOMEONE, ....PLEASE GET ME OUT OF HERE!!!!

I'm really counting the days.....I can't wait to get my pay for the month and that's it. Adios Amigos! It's simply not worth it really. I am a very determined person, I'm willing to sacrifice my time but seriously, this is too much. Simply ridiculous!

My hands were itchy today...I just needed to talk to someone so I called Chris. He immediately called back(6.30pm). Hehe.... :) Had a nice chat....more topics to talk about and according to him, it is indeed very stressful to work in the publishing line. So I can see why he's sooo thin. He "might" be in HK when and if I go there end of Jan next year but he did say that he'll be very busy...... either that or he'll be off to US(New York and L.A) for some tradeshows. Well, I'm keeping my fingers crossed, I'm sure Alan is doing that favour for me too. Thank you Alan. :)

I really really miss HK. My mum is going there in Dec and I'm feeling soooo jealous!
:( Well, I'm very sure she'll have lots of fun and I'll make sure she does. :) It would be nice to walk along the Avenue of Stars - Tsim Sha Tsui in the evening and chatting with Chris along the way, ...... eating dimsum at Banyan Garden(1/F, The Wesley Hotel) - 22 Hennessy Road, Wan Chai and shopping in Mongkok - Kowloon! Wow,.......simply awesome dude! Hehe.... :P

Who Am I and What Am I to BE??

2004-10-24T03:25:00.000+08:00

It's 2.30am here in M'sia(24/10) and I'm in my hometown Malacca,writing this current post.It is a very sudden decision to come back.I took the 9pm bus and arrived at 11pm.I suddenly got so fed up of work and just needed to get out of it.Being back makes me a little happy......managed to eat leftover dinner(mum's cooking) and went out with my friend and had some booze. Something I missed on my birthday. :(

I am actually expected to be in the office right now.....an overnight marathon which started on Thurs(21/10) and supposed to end on Sun(24/10).Oh well,here I am......I just can't be bothered anymore. I just think that it's not a productive thing anyway.I should be at risk of getting sacked or maybe I'll quit first.Seriously,.....I've had enough.I'm not sure.

My dream was to be a designer but looks like I don't have what it really takes.It's not a wrong career move.I did try and I just realised that MAYBE it's not really for me.No regrets at all and definitely would not waste what I've learnt.It's just so happen that I have interest in the F&B industry as well.It's a mixture between both...so it's time to choose one and excel.I think?

Thinking back......I realised that for the 4 months plus(I quit my job to go to HK for a week) that I couldn't get a job as a designer....I wasn't lost.It was more of the guilt of failing to get a job as a designer.....the field that I studied.I thought I became aimless and I didn't have a direction in life but I was so wrong.

It was actually one of my happiest times and I was enjoying LIFE.Something I missed for a year plus, juggling two jobs at a time.I had time for myself,had enough sleep and rest,eating some normal meals which I cook myself,time for movies,clubbing and meeting some new friends along the way too!Even though it was really tiring juggling two jobs at my old workplace and Outback,I was still happy...comparing it to working at my current place. :(

I'm really not sure of what my final decision would be.I really miss working in Outback.Right now,.....I'm trying hard to blend in my new workplace but if that doesn't work,ADIOS.I have the full support of my family and friends.Most of all,I should be happy.Life is just too short.We shouldn't waste time thinking of what's coming next,we'll never know.

MY BIRTHDAY!!!!

2004-10-22T15:56:00.000+08:00

45 minutes before my birthday began at 12 midnight,I felt a bit excited. Time passed...and when the time actually hit 12am,....it just felt normal. Oh well,I think it's because of where I was at the moment. I WAS IN MY OFFICE!! Ugggh......how pathetic.I didn't let that fact spoil my day. Soon after that,.....a few SMS began to come in.Not forgetting some online greetings too. :)

To all that wished me a HAPPY BIRTHDAY, I THANK YOU. :)

1. Riki - email and e-card
2. Vestine - SMS
3. Christina - SMS
4. Aravind - SMS
5. Victoria - via MSN Messenger
6. Chong Lee - SMS and call
7. Koh Nga - call
8. Papa - call
9. My agent - call
10. Yang - via Friendster and call

It is nice that my bestfriend is currently the last one who called me.I can still hear his voice. Hehe...it's been a long time since we talked on the phone. And to all who did wish me in advance whom I didn't mention(Chris,Tommy W.C.K,Ai Ling,......etc). Thank you too! :) Cheers!

Let's hope my dinner at Outback would be an awesome one. Joe,....how I wish you're back.
:(

------ AN EULOGY ----------

2004-10-22T01:00:00.000+08:00

:::::::::: A DEDICATION TO MY COUSIN, DAMIEN KOK YEE HOU ::::::::::

Dear Damien,

It has been 2 yrs since you passed away tragically. How time really flies. Your death also means my birthday. It is hard to forget,.......of how you passed away, the last words you spoke before losing your last breath. I don't think anyone in our family would ever ever forget how you left us.It will always haunt. Time will heal.

I used to cry at the slightest thought of you, the flashback of what happened right up to your last moments. I still do cry....but I try to stay positive. Your death taught me a very very valuable lesson : LIFE IS SHORT. I try not to take things for granted, trying my best to cherish my every moment with people who are dear to my heart,...... I try not to think of what's coming next...taking a step at a time. Most of all,I try to stay happy.......trying my very best to accomplish my travel plans, something that would always put a smile on my face. :)

I'm very surprised that I'm actually looking forward to celebrating my birthday this year. I have learnt to let go, lifting it off my shoulder. I need time. My birthday will be a constant reminder of you. HAPPY 2ND DEATH ANNIVERSARY DAMIEN You're always in my heart.

Your cousin : Becca

The individuals I sometimes mention and who are they???

2004-10-21T12:45:00.000+08:00

Yang - my dearest bestfriend

Chris - my "friend" in HK who is a very close buddy of mine

Joe - my current "hang out with" friend

Riki - my dearest adviser Aussie friend in Sydney

Chris Just Called!! :P

2004-10-20T18:36:00.000+08:00

How JOYFUL!Chris just called me from HK.Exactly 10 minutes ago. :) THANK YOU CHRIS!! Kind of lifted my spirits for the day because I've been pretty stressed up with work, .....worrying about my new house - when am I going to finish shifting?? and other matters too. :(

Well,we didn't have much to talk but nevertheless...it's the thought that counts.I hope,..... we will have more things to talk about in the future. :) Cheers to you Chris, GOD BLESS.

Life without Outback..........

2004-10-20T15:39:00.000+08:00

I went to work at Outback yesterday but it turned out that San has already "86"(cut me off) me.I was really surprised!Well,I did discuss with him to cut me off until the end of this month because of the pressure and workload at my designer job.I just don't think I could cope at the moment and I need to put some more commitment. :(

Yesterday I felt really paralysed.When I reached the door of Outback,seeing my other colleagues handling the customers and realising that I'm not a part of them.I couldn't accept the fact that I'm no longer working there.It kind of gave me a tight slap on my face!How sad.... :( It made me realise that working for Outback is really a part of me and it's really hard to let go.I feel so aimless,I really didn't know what to do with my spare time if I didn't work at Outback anymore.

San called me just now and we talked it through.I could still resume work at Outback,only my shifts would be more flexible.How nice. :) Alas,...I'm feeling so much better.RELIEVED

BARTENDING FOR A DAY!

2004-10-18T21:38:00.000+08:00

Yipeeee!I finally had the chance to go on the bar yesterday.I made 3 - Long Island Iced Tea, 2 - 77 Sunset Strip, 1 - West Indies Yellowbird, 1- Blue Hawaiian, 2 - Ice Cream Sandwich smoothies & 1 - Reef Rum Runner!!Not forgetting some freshly squeezed orange juice and tiger draft beer (bloke - large & draft - regular). :)

Luckily it was not a busy day yesterday.Otherwise I'll go "Slammer Bammer Alabama!" - which means,.....being in a very busy mode. Everything was under control and there was only one customer on the bar named Dave.Very friendly and jovial guy. :)

It was really a great experience and of course I would look forward to many more days like that if I'm lucky enough.THANK YOU Five,for not turning up for your shift!

Cheers Outback Steakhouse! NO RULES, JUST RIGHT!

The day I've been waiting for.......

2004-10-18T17:47:00.000+08:00

It is only 4 days away and surprisingly,.....I'm really looking forward to it this year.After trying to avoid it for 2 years because of my cousin's death.I just somehow have the feeling that this year,it would be SPECIAL.For those of you who know,......I'm sure you would know what is it that I'm referring to.

I've been planning a lot to make it a happy one but it looks like it might turn out to be a disastrous one.I might have to stay up in my office to finish up the file of work!!How sad.... ........... :( I wonder,when the day comes....will I be happy?I really really hope so.

P/S: Started on 16/10 but only managed to finish it today(18/10).

Hugs to ME

2004-10-15T14:28:00.000+08:00

Throughout my life until today,I've always regarded hugs as something that really means a lot. There is just a special feeling you get,when you hug someone.It is really unexplainable.That is what I feel. :) Although we don't practice it in my family,....it is nevertheless nice to get a hug from friends or loved ones from time to time.There are times where you don't have to say anything,a hug is all that the person needs.

I read an article the other day and here's a caption from it which really relates:

" We all know how important touching can be, we all know the peace that settles into your heart after a warm hug, but could any of us convey complex emotions like sadness, joy, sympathy or love through touch alone?"

It was really nice to get a hug from Mr. Sooria 2 days ago, it was nice hugging Chris 3 days ago but it's been a week since I hugged Joe and it's been 2 and a half years since Riki hugged me.There is one hug that is out of the list.......my bestfriend's hug.Not yet,.....but I hope it will come one day.Cheers!

Meeting Chris and Saying Goodbye

2004-10-12T15:35:00.000+08:00

I managed to meet Chris during dinner yesterday so I'm grateful. :) He wasn't feeling well,poor him.He reached at 7am yesterday and today,...he's leaving M'sia at 6pm.What a hectic schedule.I know he wants to stay on but time doesn't permit.It's a really nice feeling to be able to meet him again, after about 5 months since S'pore.He looks better too,meatier.Hehe.Good for him.

I didn't really feel sad when I said goodbye.I couldn't really ask for more.Feeling thankful everyday for this friendship. :) At least,we're still in touch isn't it?We did manage to hug when we said goodbye.The usual.I've got the hang of it.My close friends are all somehow in overseas. Hmmm......... :(

The little little things in life means a whole lot more if we know how to cherish the moment.Chris is one very good example in my life.I miss Riki too,....I wonder when will we be able to meet at the airport again,when you're on transit? :) Oooh,....I'm so glad Yang is finally back in M'sia for good.

- The Weekend -

2004-10-11T14:30:00.000+08:00

Saturday was awesome,I'm glad to say. :) I went for my office party........it was a very superb karaoke session.Managed to test my vocals and according to a colleague,I have good voice so I have to brush up.Cheers! :P Although the food was not like what I expected,...it was nevertheless ok overall and I ended up being there until 4am!

Yesterday was great too.Went to Outback Bangsar for dinner with my good friend Amanda.It was kind of a surprise birthday dinner for her.It was nice when the staffs there sang a song for her.Hehe.It was worth reaching a little late because she liked the present I bought. :)

Chris was supposed to reach M'sia from Frankfurt yesterday but it was actually this morning. I'm really looking forward to see him.It's been 5 months since we last met in S'pore.I hope he's not too tired after the 13 hour flight.

That is all now. "Mun,.......HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!"

The Pros and Cons of Being ME

2004-10-11T14:10:00.000+08:00

I did a lot of thinking for the past few days and this is my current conclusion.

I would go all the way out to help someone.At times,I think it’s a disadvantage.People would take me for granted and do not appreciate what I do for them.Sometimes I know that it’s ridiculous,to sacrifice so much time,effort and money just to help a FRIEND but I always tell myself, "at least you're helping someone in need.keep it up".It puts a smile on my face and there's nothing happier than to be able to see my friend getting back on track and burdens being lifted up.I did went to the extend that I travelled as far as S'pore to help someone.Till today,I do not regret it because it meant a lot.Memories are created along the way...and of course,I learnt a lot through those experiences."A Friend In Need,Is A Friend Indeed"

I am a chatterbox.Then again,I really don’t know whether that’s a good thing or bad.I can easily start a conversation,even with strangers...no matter where I am in the world.Thus,I have a lot of friends though I would say that only a few are close to my heart.I like to talk,for I think that it helps me understand people more.If anyone who’s reading this knows me well enough,you should know that I like to tell people about the stories in my life and what I’m experiencing.It’s my philosophy that I hope,when I tell people what I experience,they could learn a thing or two. Take only the good,and learn from the bad.

I am a very stubborn person.Persistent,you might say.At times,I tend to have the determination to do something and would make sure I succeed.When that happens,nothing in this world can stop me from achieving my aim.Going to HK twice,was my biggest success so far and it makes me think that if I really want to achieve something,there’s always a way if I have the right attitude and determination. “When There’s A Will,There’s A Way” Of course,things always don’t go your way in real life.When things go well,I feel confident...........but when everything around me crashes,my confidence level would go to GROUND ZERO.I’m really trying hard to balance this up,I hope...it would help me to be a better person.

My biggest problem is definitely my TEMPER.I did try to cool down through out maybe 3yrs? but somehow it has been firing up very frequently now.My goodness,.......what happened?I think it’s because of the intense stress and pressure that I’m going through at my new work place.I’m really trying hard to improve and to balance up,I hope...it would help me to be a better person..Getting angry often will only put me at risk of high blood pressure!Oh well,there’s a long journey to go in life....take one step at a time.

P/S: This is only a personal review of myself.Maybe I'm not as bad as I think I am.
Oh well,....
: I wrote this about two days ago but I only had the chance to publish it today.

- I Wish People Could Understand -

2004-10-07T15:27:00.000+08:00

Today was the last straw for me.I finally broke down to tears just now.Frustration has been building to an even higher level for the past few days or rather a week.I really tried to listen to my Dad's and my colleague Mike's advice "to be patient" but I think I failed miserably in the end although I did succeed at first.Crying out really makes me feel better though it doesn't mean that I'm emotional.How I wish there was someone close to me who could lend me a shoulder to cry on.Joe is busy at work,Yang is in Malacca,Chris is in Frankfurt now and Riki is in Japan currently.The four guys who's really close to my heart.

I really wished that the people around me could understand me more.I always try to do my work at best I could, trying not to let people down.I would go all the way out to help someone.I'm juggling two jobs at a time in the hope that it could help me have a better life and also my family.

To Tommy - I didn't finish the mock up on time because I didn't want any flaws in it &
probably,you could say that I'm a little slow.
To Mike - I'm sorry that I yelled at you.I know it's really a mistake but I can't take
those words back.
To Lee Ing - My room stinks a little because I really don't have the time to even clear
anything that's piling up in my room.

Nobody is perfect.I'm trying hard to learn to be better as the day goes by.I need time.I Really Wish People Could Understand my situation and not jump into conclusion.I really do....I really do.

What's Next?

2004-10-06T11:30:00.000+08:00

I started the day feeling a little better.I finally managed to go home for a while yesterday....but ended up overnighting at my friend's place.How wonderful it was,to finally be able to have some sleep and being in the comfort of a friend that's close to me. :) Blissfull.

I am a bit lost today at work.I think I've finished doing the layouts I was asked to yesterday so "what am I supposed to do next?" Ooohhh,......how dreadful!Part of me wants to do something....rather than waste my time but the other part of me dreads it because when that happens,............it's a cycle again of never ending amendments! :(

The week is coming to an end.There's a party for my office this Saturday.If everything for the magazine finishes today,then I'll be looking forward to the party and try to have as much fun and get to know more people. :) Plus,Chris is coming this Sunday....so that's really great.Then there's the problem of me shifting to a new house within this week and it's going no where.I just don't have the time to pack my stuffs at all.OH NO!
:(

48 hours and still counting.......

2004-10-05T11:45:00.000+08:00

At this moment,it's 11.30am.Just as a record,I've been working(doing my designs on the com) for 48 hours and still counting.All in all,I've only had 5 hours of sleep during the two days.My office has been my home for the past two days.How pathetic.I'm not feeling sleepy at all but I know, once my body touches the bed.........it's Dreamland time!I'm pushing myself to the edge,I have no choice.Working in the publishing line,it demands a lot and I'm trying to stay positive....at least I learn something new here.

Do you believe it if I told you that I took 24 hours just to do a DAMN layout and it's still not approved yet?That's just so ridiculous and not practical at all.There's nothing wrong with the design really,it's just that someone out there is a PERFECTIONIST!

I really want to go home soon but that's not possible yet.How frustrating.I need to wash my clothes and pack my stuffs to shift to my new house.GOD HELP ME..........

Eating Spree....!

2004-10-03T20:35:00.000+08:00

Oh boy,....it's 8.20pm now and yet,....I'm still in the office.Can't complain much.At least my workload is getting somewhere & progressing to a lighter weight.At this point,I've already eaten 5 pieces of Domino's Pizza, 2 glasses of Vanilla Coke, Rojak(sliced fruits mixed with shrimp paste,topped with nuts) and I just finished my dinner(Buffet - mussels,lamb,fried noodles & fishballs) plus a small cup of mango juice! Can you guys believe it?It's really freaking me out.I always end up eating more than what I'm supposed to when I'm stressed,under pressure or depressed. :) To top it up,my new boss doesn't like us to skip our meals so everyday.....I'm forced to eat a perfect breakfast,lunch and dinner!I gotta buck up and go on a serious diet starting tomorrow.I would really do it,just like how I manage to lose all previous weight.From 63kg to 56kg but now I'm 58kg. :( Chris is coming over next week so I only have a week to do so.Ugggh!